I was wrong, every kid wants a clown for a dad.

Mitchell

• Permalink: I was wrong, every kid wants a clown for a dad.
• Added: February 17, 2011

Every time he opens his mouth I can feel my daughters losing respect for me.

Claire

• Permalink: Every time he opens his mouth I can feel my daughters losing res...
• Added: February 17, 2011

Mitchell: Well, if the shoe fits...
Cam: They don't, they're comically large.

• Permalink: Well, if the shoe fits... They don't, they're comically large.
• Added: February 17, 2011

It's ten feet long with boxer shorts on the end, it works on so many levels.

Cam

• Permalink: It's ten feet long with boxer shorts on the end, it works on so ...
• Added: February 17, 2011

Haley: Dad, gross, your hand smells like cheese.
Phil: I didn't want to dirty a knife.

• Permalink: Dad, gross, your hand smells like cheese. I didn't want to dir...
• Added: February 17, 2011

All those joke emails she forwarded to me months after I'd seen them? Well, no more polite LOLs for YOU, Dede.

Phil

• Permalink: All those joke emails she forwarded to me months after I'd seen ...
• Added: February 17, 2011

Manny: Baby Bear's a girl? We have to do it over! I would have played it totally different.
Jay: You nailed it.

• Permalink: Baby Bear's a girl? We have to do it over! I would have played i...
• Added: February 17, 2011

The truth is, Luke, I am rich, but not with money. I got my abs. I got my hair.

Robbie

• Permalink: The truth is, Luke, I am rich, but not with money. I got my abs....
• Added: February 17, 2011

Mitchell: I guess you don't respect party themes.
Cam: You did NOT just say that.

• Permalink: I guess you don't respect party themes. You did NOT just say t...
• Added: February 17, 2011

I've got Gloria! I've got Gloria!

Phil

• Permalink: I've got Gloria! I've got Gloria!
• Added: February 17, 2011

Robbie could charm your socks off, but I doubt he stopped there.

Dede

• Permalink: Robbie could charm your socks off, but I doubt he stopped there.
• Added: February 17, 2011