I think I just broke a nail on a turtle.

Claire

• Permalink: I think I just broke a nail on a turtle.
• Added: May 15, 2014

Jerry: Where did she come from?
Mitchell: Because she doesn't look like us? That’s offensive.

• Permalink: Because she doesn't look like us? That’s offensive.
• Added: May 15, 2014

You guys exhaust me.

Lily

• Permalink: You guys exhaust me.
• Added: May 15, 2014

Alex: So what're you gonna do in Utah.
Andy: Well, me and my girlfriend haven’t seen each other in a while so we're gonna be like a couple bunny rabbits…
Alex: Wow.
Andy: Hopping all over town.

• Permalink: Hopping all over town.
• Added: May 15, 2014

Phil: Those drops are really hanging on. I’m like Han Solo when he came out of the carbonite. Nothing?
Alex: I get it. Star Trek.
Phil: You’re breaking my heart.

• Permalink: You’re breaking my heart.
• Added: May 15, 2014

Manny: Hey mom, can you see this?
Gloria: What pimple?

• Permalink: What pimple?
• Added: May 15, 2014

Mitchell: Hey, Best Man.
Claire: Hello, blushing bride.
Mitchell: I feel like I should hate that more.

• Permalink: I feel like I should hate that more.
• Added: May 15, 2014

Oh calm down. This can’t be the first time you've woken up with other men in your bedroom.

Pepper

• Permalink: Oh calm down. This can’t be the first time you've woken up with other men in your bedroom.
• Added: May 15, 2014