Claire: You know Luke has failed that driver's test twice now right?
Mitchell: My options today are frat house, duck village, or car crash. I'm feeling very comfortable with my decision.

Claire: Phil, duck feed!
Phil: Hey, that's almost my name.

We have been renting the upstairs unit to some frat boys from Cam's old college. They're here for some big game and to try to get on the Price is Right. Unfortunately for me it's brought out Cam's bromosexual side.

Mitchell

Phil: It's time, somebody warm some towels!
Claire: Every time I crack an egg, really?

Okay, woah, this is exactly how it started out when I found out my father wasn't really in space.

Dylan

Mitchell: That was a take-out menu.
Earl: I don't want that man to know where I eat.

You're not working for the rolo-dex stealing Earl Chambers!

Jay

Lily: Where's the little leprechaun?
Cam: I think he's still getting dressed.

It's like being on a submarine, right?

Phil

We call ourselves the artful lodgers.

Cam

What is with you Americans and the foot?

Gloria

As an actual glasses wearer, I find it offensive.

Alex

Modern Family Quotes

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me

That's why we chose our secret warrior signal. My first suggestion was to blow a Viking horn. Don't google that, by the way.

Phil