Mitchell: What're you doing?
Pam: I'm making one of your fruit smoothies.
Mitchell: Uh Pam...
Pam: Fine, I'm making one of your homosexual smoothies.

• Permalink: Fine, I'm making one of your homosexual smoothies.
• Added: October 05, 2017

We can't have people golfing sober. They'll realize it's a waste of time.

Luke

• Permalink: We can't have people golfing sober. They'll realize it's a waste of time.
• Added: October 05, 2017

Let's face it, like Drew Barrymore, I am an adorable fire starter.

Cam

• Permalink: Let's face it, like Drew Barrymore, I am an adorable fire starter.
• Added: October 05, 2017

We will keep in touch, son.

Gloria [dropping Manny off at college]

• Permalink: We will keep in touch, son.
• Added: October 05, 2017

Luke: Why does Alex get a care package and not me?
Claire: You live in a care package.

• Permalink: You live in a care package.
• Added: October 05, 2017

Phil, we're them! We're the cover of the old people pamphlet.

Claire

• Permalink: Phil, we're them! We're the cover of the old people pamphlet.
• Added: September 28, 2017

Cam: The doctor says absolutely no sun while I'm on these antibiotics.
Mitchell: What would happen? Because if it's anything short of death, I think you should risk it.

• Permalink: What would happen? Because if it's anything short of death, I think you should risk it.
• Added: September 28, 2017

No one wants your stupid science, Alex!

Jay

• Permalink: No one wants your stupid science, Alex!
• Added: September 28, 2017

Mitchell: I ran into this guy who runs the bait shop.
Jay: Is that a gay bar?

• Permalink: The bait shop
• Added: September 28, 2017

Mitchell: I ran into this guy who runs the bait shop.
Jay: Is that a gay bar?

• Permalink: Is that a gay bar?
• Added: September 28, 2017

I don't trust lakes. Where I come from this is where we dump drugs and dead bodies.

Gloria

• Permalink: I don't trust lakes. Where I come from this is where we dump drugs and dead bodies.
• Added: September 28, 2017

Jay: Let me tell you about a little innovation called Netflix. You'll never miss another movie again.
Marty: Really?
Jay: Hand to God. You pick a film on your computer. Three days later, there's a disc in your mailbox. You gotta stay up with technology, Marty!
Marty: Wow. Thanks... [to his wife] Can you believe he doesn't know about streaming? If I ever get that out of touch? Kill me.

• Permalink: Wow. Thanks... Can you believe he doesn't know about streaming? If I ever get...
• Added: January 06, 2016