Modern Family
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABCModern Family Quotes
Jay: No, see this is exactly why we sweep things under the rug. So, people don't get hurt.
Phil: Well, yeah, until you sweep too much under the rug. Then you have a lumpy rug... creates a tripping hazard...and open yourself up to lawsuits. Boy, you can go a really long time without blinking
Claire likes to say "You can be part of the problem, or part of the solution." But I happen to believe you can be both
Phil
Gloria: Jay, I'm home. Did Manny call?
Jay: No, because he's fine. It was a slumber party, not a gang fight.
Haley: Okay, mom just doesn't trust me and it's not fair.
Phil: She trusts you, it's just the weird stuff that happens at concerts. Boys get urges.
Haley: Eww! Dad, is there something you want?
Phil: Yes, there is., to connect with this girl right here. Now come on, pretend I'm not your dad. We're just a couple of friends kickin' it in a juice bar.
Haley: What's a juice bar?
Phil: Okay a malt shop, whatever.
Haley: Dad, I don't...
Phil: No, who's dad, who's dad? I'm Marcus, from Biology. Hey Haley! How's it going with you and Dylan? Does he try anything inappropriate with you, girl?
Haley [answering her phone]: Hey. I don't know, nothing, just talking to some dork I met in a malt shop
Jay: What's up!
Mitchell: Uh, well you know, uh, moms in town.
Jay: Your mom?
Mitchell: No, no your mom. She's back from the grave. Yes, yes my mom, dad.
Jay: My mom would be less scary
Dede: I don't know what just happened.
Dylan: I do. I mean it seems pretty simple to me. You're reaching out, trying to hold onto something awesome.
Haley: Um maybe, maybe you shouldn't.
Dylan: Look, look, look, I'm not used to this, the whole "big family" thing. In my house, we don't even talk to each other. You know it's funny, the first time I saw Haley, I knew I liked her. I mean she's beautiful and everything, but it's it's not just that. She's got this killer confidence. You know, the kind of confidence that you get from having a family like this, that's passionate and accepting of hot foreigners, and gay dudes, and nutty people. You know, a family that actually loves each other
Phil [to Manny]: Nice moustache
Jay: Don't make fun of him or he'll burn your house down
Dede: That's very revealing
Claire: That's my parenting style
Dede: No, I meant your blouse
Dede: Why so long?
Claire: I know it's weird when it's been a long time since we talked
Dede: I meant your hair
I knew they were perfect for each other when I saw his wallet and her boobs
Dede [about Jay and Gloria]
You know how growing up we all have that voice inside our head that tells us we're not good enough? Well, mine was outside my head driving me to school
Claire [on her mother]
There's a fish in nature that swims around with its babies in its mouth. That fish would look at Mitchell's relationship with his mother and say, "That's messed up."
Cameron
