Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC

You're all the porn I need.
Phil

Permalink: You're all the porn I need.

Added: January 14, 2010

He lost his monocle on the drive. Head was out the window.
Jay [on Barkley]

Permalink: He lost his monocle on the drive. Head was out the window.

Added: January 14, 2010

You're just mad at the old balls and chain.
Jay

Permalink: You're just mad at the old balls and chain.

Added: January 14, 2010

I could be a chump, do the usual, give the money back to the casino. Or I could do something for myself and get something from the casino store.
Jay

Permalink: I could be a chump, do the usual, give the money back to the cas...

Added: January 14, 2010

We're both with people different from us, and that's gonna create stuff. But you want different.
Jay

Permalink: We're both with people different from us, and that's gonna creat...

Added: January 14, 2010

Some are real, right? Like Anne Frank's?
Luke [on diaries, not boobs]

Permalink: Some are real, right? Like Anne Frank's?

Added: January 14, 2010

He's like Batman, but straight.
Mitchell [on the gardener]

Permalink: He's like Batman, but straight.

Added: January 14, 2010

I'm like a big runaway charity truck and Mitchell is my off-ramp full of safety gravel.
Cameron

Permalink: I'm like a big runaway charity truck and Mitchell is my off-ramp...

Added: January 14, 2010

This is not art. This is an unholy mix between man and beast.
Gloria

Permalink: This is not art. This is an unholy mix between man and beast.

Added: January 14, 2010

That was hardly porn. It was a topless woman on a tractor. You know what they call that in Europe? A cereal commercial.
Phil

Permalink: That was hardly porn. It was a topless woman on a tractor. You k...

Added: January 14, 2010