Modern Family
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABCModern Family Season 1 Quotes
We raised our kids right. One of them will come forward, or the other two will rat them out.
Phil
Claire: We're gonna pass into legend. The parents who canceled Christmas.
Phil: I thought you'd be happy.
Claire: They'll write songs about us. They'll make a Christmas special with those ugly little clay pieces.
Phil: I can forgive the smoking, but I can't forgive the lie.
[Claire glares at him]
Phil: Or the smoking.
I guess the couch did it to itself. I guess it came home after a tough day, lit up a cigarette and burned itself. Is that what happened? Because that makes no sense.
Phil
Cameron: It's Christmas eve, you can't spend it in your car.
Santa Scott: That's really nice of you guys. Can I bring anything? Ketchup, soy sauce, straws?
Cameron: We're good.
Mitchell: So why don't you follow us to our house?
Cameron: In your house.
Cameron: Do you really live in your car?
Santa Scott: It's not so bad. It's really roomy since the wife moved out.
Phil: Goodbye Dunphy Christmas. Haley, I guess you're not getting that car.
Haley: I was getting a car?
Phil: No, I was lying. Because that's what Dunphys do now, we're liars.
[Jay and Manny watching Miracle on 34th Street]
Manny: Are you crying?
Jay: What are you, a robot? It's a deeply emotional movie.
Manny: In Colombia, they open presents at midnight and stay up til morning.
Jay: I'm sure they do, but if you notice from the absence of goats in the streets, we're not in Colombia.
Claire [to kids]: Which one of you was smoking?
Phil: Not me, I have a respiratory problem.
Claire: Obviously, not you.
Phil: Where's mom?
Phil's Dad: Mom is sinking fast.... she's in the bath tub.
You have nothing to fear, but fear itself... and the concrete.
Phil
