Luke: I dunno, mom always tells me what to do.
Phil: Join the club.

Cameron [about him and Gloria]: On paper we should be good friends, one spicy curvy diva.
Mitchell: And Gloria.

Mitchell: I never went to sports games with him.
Cameron: Probably because you call them sports games. Lose the sports.

Mitchell: Tonight is the maginificent Lyrid meteor shower.
Cameron: It's where the planet geek passes through the nerdy way.

Alex: Luke has ADHD.
Luke: No I don't... what is it?
Alex: I'd tell you, but you'd wander off before I get to the (Luke wanders off) H.

Gloria: And you really didn't know he was gay?
Jay: I must have, right?

I don't think I can get through this without crying. Maybe we should just go on to the cold cuts.

Manny

I'm Columbian, I know a fake crime scene when I see one.

Gloria

She's one of my 447 friends. Everyone wants a slice.

Phil

You're doing that thing when you say what I want you to say, but your tone seems mean.

Phil

He's the suckiest suck of all time.

Mitchell

Lots of stuff that doesn't kill you makes you weaker.

Manny

Modern Family Season 1 Quotes

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me

Gather round like you're hugging me, but don't touch me!

Phil