Detective Campbell: I invited NCIS here as a courtesy.
Gibbs: How about as a courtesy, I don't kick your ass!

Bishop: Technology tantrum.
Torres: Joining my club, McGee?

You're why others are alive. No phone call killed your friend.

Gibbs

Suspect [McGee is playing Bad Cop]: Get him off me!
Torres: I would, but he's scaring *me*!

I don't kick down doors. Are you saying I'm not a crime fighter?

Abby

McGee: Office equipment is your friend.
Torres: It's a bad friend, the one you lend money to and never pays you back!

Well, we don't have a firm date yet, but we plan on saving money on the invitations just by telling Bishop, and everyone will show!

McGee [on his wedding]

Gibbs: That's a long swim for an innocent man!
Wayne: I'm not innocent! ...of the imposter stuff...

He's off his meds.

Quinn [regarding Gibbs's intensity]

Eleanor Bishop, will you be my Frodo?

McGee

Nobody goes to the trash room for high tea.

Torres

Bishop: It's actually freezing.
McGee: Says the 90-pound thermostat!

NCIS Quotes

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.