Abby: This is my nightmare! The only thing missing is Vance riding in on demon wings to fire me!
Torres: Well, that makes sense.
Abby: I usually wake up when his mustache turns into a snake.

Torres: Are these suits really necessary?
Gibbs: Yes.
Ducky: Unless you want to risk instantaneous death due to sarin.
Torres: These suits are awesome.

Well, you say ‘tomato,’ I say ‘terrorist.’

Torres

Reeves: We spoke to your wife. She said you were at the office all night.
Gibbs: No nookie!

DiNozzo Senior [in the bath with Judith]: Gibbs! Forgive me for not getting up…
Judith McKnight: Oh, trust me, he’s *already* up.

Michael Kettering: You told her I was married?!
Quinn: How could *you* not tell her?!

DiNozzo Senior: It’s about Judith. Your ex-lover.
Gibbs [chokes]: My what?!

Don’t dance around it! Agent Bishop is saying this ship is full of seamen!

Judith McKnight

Bishop: Gibbs, where are you going?
Gibbs: Overboard!

Toilet, freezer, mattress. The go-to spots.

Walt Osorio

Torres: NCIS! Get on the ground!
Taj Robinson: Who, me?
Torres: No, the other blond guy with the other alarm box!

I liked it better when he called me ‘Jimmy’!

Jimmy

NCIS Quotes

Ducky: Forgive me, Mr. Palmer, but I can’t resist the urge to give you one of my all-time favorite pieces of advice: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.