The pizza delivery guy found her body in thirty minutes or less.

Torres

Keep your friends close. And the crazies even closer!

Gibbs

Future’s coming with or without you. Might as well *be* there.

Jimmy

Ryan: So, you’re an actual doctor?
Jimmy: Yeah. And nobody at work knows!

Ryan Smith: What is this, self-help karaoke?
Jimmy: Honestly, I’ve got a million of these. I can do this all night long!

We all gonna fit on the ledge and hold hands? You wanna help Palmer, do your jobs!

Gibbs

With that very healthy sense of self-preservation, I’m gonna ask you to stay alive so that we can both die like heroes a very long time from now when we’re old and gray, alright?

Jimmy

Ducky: Forgive me, Mr. Palmer, but I can’t resist the urge to give you one of my all-time favorite pieces of advice: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

Quinn: Do you believe in miracles?
Gibbs: No.
Quinn: Do you believe in Abby?
Gibbs: With all my heart!

Quinn [about a formerly broken plate]: How’d you get rid of the crack?
Abby [innocently]: Crack? What crack?

Why would you name a bull “Robert”?

McGee [asking the important question]

I’ve got three grandchildren! Two, I even like.

Fred

NCIS Quotes

Ducky: Forgive me, Mr. Palmer, but I can’t resist the urge to give you one of my all-time favorite pieces of advice: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.