Gibbs: How's your love life, DiNozzo?
Tony: Huh?
Gibbs: You still seeing the secretary?
McGee: He means Andrea.
Bishop: Andrea. Hmm. Who's Andrea?
Tony: Andrea. Oh yeah. Yeah. She's uh, I mean, it's kind of on an as-needed basis.
Pride: Friends with benefits?
Gibbs: Yeah well those aren't benefits like dental insurance.

Speakman: Elected officials need to be strong. McLane was anything but.
Pride: I think you're being a little disrespectful.
Speakman: I think he deserved it.
Gibbs: Uh oh.

Pride: You stole that move from me. I used to be the one who stopped elevators.
Gibbs: Stole, my ass.

Pride: Laissez les bon temps rouler.
Gibbs: Let the good times roll.

Bishop: Where can I sit? Is the floor clean? Do you have any sugar? Lots of it?
Brodie: Err.
Lasalle: Huh?
Brodie: Three-letter word for mistake. Err.

Tony: He just pulled the "this is my wedding gift to him" card.
McGee: Well that's a very nice one.
Tony: I guess it beats the steak knives I was going to re-gift him.

Tony: Such a shame. Vintage 62 Telecaster.
Gibbs: Yeah. Real tragedy.
Tony: Yeah, cause--the dead people are a shame too. It's just....oh look, it's McGee!

Ducky: If you have to change the diaper of a sleeping child, you need to be efficient. I would also think that you need to---
Gibbs: Keep the lights low, and the room quiet.

McGee: How long have they been at it?
Abby: Like an hour. I heard Ducky curse, ten minutes ago. I mean, well I think he did. I'm not that familiar with British profanity.

Bishop: He's not our guy.
Tony: We should still arrest him for that hair-do.
Bishop: Hey, what have you got against mullets?

Denny Johnson: Hello? I'd like to go home? I'm self-diagnosed with IBS and mild claustrophobia. I am not feeling very well.
Manheim: There is no way that guy's related to me.

Manheim: He still lives with his mother? I want a DNA test.
Tony: Abby's already run it. Congrats. It's a boy. Sort of.

NCIS Quotes

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott

Ducky: Forgive me, Mr. Palmer, but I can’t resist the urge to give you one of my all-time favorite pieces of advice: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”