Always be specific when you lie. (Season 1, Episode 23)

Rule #7

Never apologize. (Season 7, Episode 12, but referenced previous times without a number attached)

Rule #6

You don't waste good. (Season 8, Episode 22)

Rule #5

The best way to keep a secret? Keep it to yourself. Second best? Tell one other person, if you must. There is no third best. (Season 4, Episode 11)

Rule #4

Never be unreachable. (Season 3, Episode 13, Gibbs)

Rule #3

Don't believe what you're told. Double check. (Season 1, Episode 1, Mike Franks)

Rule #3

Always wear gloves at a crime scene. (Season 1, Episode 1, Mike Franks)

Rule #2

Never screw over your partner. (Season 4, Episode 14, Gibbs)

Rule #1

Never let suspects stay together. (Season 1 Episode 1, Mike Franks)

Rule #1

Bishop: Seriously? How'd you get that?
Tony: Well, it's like Gorillas in the Midst. You'll get to understand his grunts.

Martinez: Bishop! You didn't tell me Robert Redford was in the building.
Tony: Come on. I rarely get the Redford. You could be my Debra Winger, legal eagle.
Martinez: I love her.

Bishop: If you could send those reports, that'd be great.
Tony: Reports would be good. And keep us in the loop on anything else.
Martinez: Sure thing, Di-knows-it-all. Sure thing.

NCIS Quotes

We’re all as sick as our secrets, Clay, and we all need someone to talk to. Even you.

Bishop

Gibbs: Tobias? What the hell’s going on?
Fornell: What’s going on? You got me fired!