Parsons: Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs you've manipulated evidence, and you've obstructed justice. Do you take full responsibility for the actions of your team?
Gibbs: What do you think?

Tony: Well hey there Speedy Gonzales huh? You almost killed Marlon from accounting.
Ziva: I'm sorry Tony. I'm still getting used to how this thing drives.
Tony: The world is still getting used to how you drive.

Ziva: I'm sorry Tony. I know you wanted the car but I just didn't think it was a good idea to sell it to you.
Tony: Why not?
Ziva: Because I really liked my Mini.
Tony: Me too!
Ziva: And I didn't want anything to happen to it.
Tony: What are you saying?
McGee: She's saying you're a car killer.
Tony: What?
Ziva: A car killer.
Gibbs: Everybody needs a hobby.

McGee: If he's taken a photo and emailed it to anybody I can use the GPS coordinates from the exif data--
Tony: You do realize that if you keep telling us how you do your job then we're not going to need you anymore?

Relax director. I'm just here to cross some "t"s and dot some "i"s. I'll be as quick and painless as possible.

Parsons

Mugger: Hey I found that cellphone in the trash, man. Somebody must have thrown it away.
Gibbs: Really?
Mugger: Yup.
Gibbs: Okay. Thanks for coming. [Mugger gets up to leave] Sit down.

Abby: Ziva is loyal to a fault.
Parsons: No doubt. "To a fault" is exactly how I'd put it.

Parsons: After spending a few hours in a car with him I can say that Agent DiNozzo is a capable investigator..
Ziva: More than capable. Unfortunately he can also be quite a child.
Tony: This was a mistake.

Ziva: I went to Israel to bury my father. It was a moment of weakness. I felt alone.
Tony: You need to talk to legal.
Ziva: No I don't.
Tony: My Hebrew must not be as good as I thought. Because I could have sworn that when I dropped you off at the airport I told you that you are not alone.
Ziva: Yes you did.
Tony: Well then. We must have different interpretations.

I knew that guy was trouble. He's like an evil McGee.

Abby

What makes you think I'm going after Ziva?

Parson [to Tony]

Vance: Are you all right? Is it over?
Ziva: It's over.

NCIS Quotes

Ducky: Forgive me, Mr. Palmer, but I can’t resist the urge to give you one of my all-time favorite pieces of advice: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.