Gibbs: You volunteering for that, are you DiNozzo?
Tony: Stripper. Caribbean beach. Is that a trick question?
Gibbs: Behave yourself, Skippy.
Tony: Aye, aye sir.

McGee: Listen, don't let him "probie" you.
Derniken: What?
McGee: I've been there Dornie. Tony's going to pull rank.
Dorneget: I can handle him.
McGee: Watch your back, Dornie.

Vance: You mind some company? I have an hour left with the babysitter.
Gibbs: Yeah? Where'd you go?
Vance: Supposedly group bereavement counseling. Couldn't do it. So, I'm consoling myself with some double chocolate brownies. Would you care to join me? I hate to eat alone.

Tony [to Ned Dorneget]: What in the name of Brooks Brothers are you wearing? You look exactly like what you are: a pubescent federal agent.

Tony: Couldn't help noticing you're sitting here all alone. I thought maybe you'd want some company?
Melissa: Sure. Your partner won't mind?
Tony: Partner?
Melissa: I assumed you two are a couple. Just... your shirt. So...pink.

Ramsey: Looks like we got a lot of evidence to get through, huh?
Abby: Yeah.
Both: All-nighter!

Ducky: I expected to find the entire sidewall blown out, given the explosive decompression we just experienced.
Palmer: My stomach is experiencing explosive decompression.

Anything I find won't be useful to anybody if we all die from airborne corpse pathogens. A dead body can be deadly.

Ducky

Light me up, Lord of the Tickets. It's story time.

Tony

Careful, Mr. Palmer. Gastric acid can cut a hole right through your foot.

Ducky

Palmer: Doctor. Doctor. In case your plan, as brilliant as it is, doesn't work....
Ducky: Likewise, Mr....Jimmy.

Palmer: I would rather take a stand than get shot in the back.
Ducky: Likewise.

NCIS Quotes

Ducky: Forgive me, Mr. Palmer, but I can’t resist the urge to give you one of my all-time favorite pieces of advice: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.