Damn it! I can't find my driving moccasins anywhere!

Schmidt

I want to kill you...because I respect you. I think I understanding hunting!

Nick

Winston said you make fun of my gremlin toenails. That you call them clickety-clacks or centaur boots.

Schmidt

An Indian-Jewish baby? Who wouldn't want that? Think about the bone structure!

Schmidt

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach

I'm about to go pay this fine, and my checks have baby farm animals on them, bitch!

Jess

He was a merman. He was the last of his kind and he needed a mother for his merchild. He was not a mergentleman.

Girl in the class

Schmidt: Would you line up around the corner if the iPhone was called "the slippery germ brick"?
Nick: Yeah, I probably would actually.

I'm like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience.

Schmidt

I feel like I wanna murder someone and also I want soft pretzels.

Jess

If any of you cross me, I'm gonna kick the testicles clean off your bodies! Clean off! You'll look like Ken dolls down there!

Jess

Jess, you can't laugh at a naked man. And especially Nick. Nick is delicate. Like a flower.Like a chubby, damaged flower who hates himself"

Schmidt

New Girl Quotes

Cece: What's your stripper name?
Jess: Uh, Rebecca Johnson.
Cece: Your stripper name is Rebecca Johnson?
Jess: Boobies Johnson. Two Boobs Johnson.

I could pretend to be more like you, Jess, and live on a sparkly rainbow and drive a unicorn around and just sing all the time.

Nick