He smells of strong coffee and going to see a man about a horse.

Nick

Coincidentally, I'm wearing my lap dance pants!

Schmidt

Believe it or not, that's not the first time someone's broken my feeling stick. I have a travel size.

Jess

Cece: Remember when Christmas used to be fun, and all I had to do was worrying about my drunk uncle asking me out again?
Jess: Yes, Uncle Pardip! He thought I was a boy

Schmidt: I brought you a gift. I hope you appreciate that I have kept eye contact with you this whole time and made no reference of the fact that you are basically naked. ... I found this place on 3rd Street where you can design your own perfume: Base notes of cocoa because of your brown...ness, sea salt because it kind of sounds like "Cece," and sandalwood - Sandalwood, always up to no good!

I'm doing sexy things with the pillow.

Jess

I'm gonna go take a shower with Nick's bar soap like a common ranch hand.

Schmidt

I'm gonna have to run all the way home, and I have my slipperiest loafers on!

Schmidt

Nick: In March, I will have been living with Schmidt for 10 years. I know that because he sent me an e-mail asking how I want to celebrate our tin anniversary.
Jess: How did you become friends? Was it an accident? Did you hit him with your car and you became his reluctant caretaker?

Julia: You never know, a judge might buy into this whole thing, so..
Jess: What whole thing?
Julia: Your whole thing. With the cupcakes and the breaking for birds, and the bluebirds come and help me dress in the morning!
Jess: Oh wow, I didn't know I was doing a thing.
Julia: It's a great thing. The big beautiful blue eyes. I bet that gets you out of a lot of things.
Jess: Yeah, except my peripheral vision is almost too good

What am I looking at here? Robbie, man to man, you didn't want to wear something a little more form-flattering, maybe like a pile of towels? Or the number 8?

Schmidt [about Rob's green spandex]

Jess: You've always wanted a thing, so maybe this is your thing. The guy with no phone.
Nick: But who is that guy!?

New Girl Quotes

Cece: What's your stripper name?
Jess: Uh, Rebecca Johnson.
Cece: Your stripper name is Rebecca Johnson?
Jess: Boobies Johnson. Two Boobs Johnson.

I could pretend to be more like you, Jess, and live on a sparkly rainbow and drive a unicorn around and just sing all the time.

Nick