I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I know this isn't gonna end well, but the middle part is gonna be awesome.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt

I may not be Abraham Lincoln. But I witnessed the emancipation of one black guy tonight.

Schmidt

I hate doors!

Nick

Let's talk about it, in my perfect two-thirds replica of Don Draper's office.

Schmidt

Save your groans for Bird Man!

Schmidt

You can't outrun the Jewish!

Schmidt

Nick, I never thought I'd say this, but I need to be alone with Prince.

Jess

We just started dating so were still in that honeymoon phase. I barely sleep. So much doing it.

Jess

Jess: No! He's here early, how do I look?
Schmidt: It's better if you don't know.

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I know this isn't gonna end well, but the middle part is gonna be awesome.

Nick