Nick: I'm trying my hardest to look poor.
Winston: You are poor.

It's not sex until you put the straw in the coconut.

Nick

Ever since we got engaged you've been acting insanely jealous.

Cece

Nick: You never listen to pipe talk.
Jess: Pipe talk is boring.

Shivrang's Aunt: Who is this?
Schmidt: I'm Gerard Depardieu. Who do you think I am, lady? I'm Schmidt.

So, would you like to freak?

Jess

Nick: What does a man do about that pain?
Schmidt: Takes a bubble bath.

Nick, we're making sex.

Schmidt

I do all her work and she does all the working of her cleavage.

Jess

What? You don't think I can be supportive?

Cece

We gonna make a girl cry today!

Winston

OK, yes, she's a hot slob. Ever since she got boobs people stopped making her do stuff.

Jess

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I may be dirty, but I play old.

Ed