You're the deer! He wants to kill you! You're the deer!

Nick

It's not a perfect system Jess, but it's mine ok? And it's private.

Nick

I am rugged, semtic prince!

Schmidt

Schmidt: Would I have to put my legs in the stirrups?
Melissa: Why would you even ask that?
Schmidt: I'm asking more so out of curiosity than fear. Hashtag, excitement.

Schmidt: I hope you appreciate that I have kept eye contact with you the whole time and have made to reference to the fact that you are basically naked.
Cece: Very proud of you Schmidt.

So, would you like to freak?

Jess

Nick: I want to get rid of my stuff, but all my stuff is really good and I just can't get rid of it.
Coach: It's not and you have to.
Schmidt: Everything you own is trash.
Coach: You're basically a hoarder.
Nick: Not true. Everything has meaning. Everything is connected to something else.

I always thought we'd be going bowling before we want to an Indian marriage convention.

Sam

I should have known those beets weren't from nature. Nothing purple comes from nature.

Nick

Just remember, you caught him pleasuring himself to a mail-order steak catalog.

Jess

Nick: I believe horses are from outer space--
Jess: I believe that, too!

It's only romantic because it's a wedding. I'd be just as happy to sabotage, I don't know, let's say, her tax audit.

Schmidt

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Winston: What is between you and that chair?
Schmidt: Just a little bit of sunshine.