Jess: Where are you guys going?
Biology Teacher: In life, nowhere.

• Permalink: In life, nowhere.
• Added: April 29, 2014

Your asses belong to me now, which means I currently have four asses.

Coach

• Permalink: Your asses belong to me now, which means I currently have four asses.
• Added: April 29, 2014

Nobody's getting pregnant tonight!...That's the same thing I say on my dates.

Winston

• Permalink: Nobody's getting pregnant tonight!...That's the same thing I say on my dates.
• Added: April 29, 2014

I'm like a Hebrew cheetah.

Schmidt

• Permalink: I'm like a Hebrew cheetah.
• Added: April 29, 2014

Nick: My arms are so sore from doing so many push-ups.
Schmidt: That seems like a lie.

• Permalink: That seems like a lie.
• Added: April 29, 2014