If I were off my rocker, would I take a weekly selfie with my cat?

Winston

I found an ant farm filled with candy wrappers, is this essential?

Nick

Schmidt: Ahh! A spider!
Nick: Jess, why did you do that? You know how he gets, he turns into a cartoon elephant of yesteryear who just saw a mouse.

I will say only one thing about that man that I've only said about Ryan Gosling...hot damn!

Winston

Schmidt: Come on Gina, give me a shot at red potatoes.
Gina: No way cause I need ya. You're the best sort of mid-level employee I've ever had. You are the ass to my horse and I'm gonna keep you right here, right by my side where I can find ya, forever.

You got girl trouble, get a crystal!

Winston

Eat glass and die you tramp!

Mrs. Roz

If you died, I'd be lost!

Nick

Jess: So you want us to come out so that you can go back to hooking up with all the hot teachers?
Coach: Very much so.

I just want to be slapped around!

Winston

We'll be celebrating Bangsgiving!

Schmidt

I’m pretty sure they call her ‘The Fish’ because she’s tough, but fair, like a lot of fish I’ve met.

Winston

New Girl Quotes

Cece: What's your stripper name?
Jess: Uh, Rebecca Johnson.
Cece: Your stripper name is Rebecca Johnson?
Jess: Boobies Johnson. Two Boobs Johnson.

I could pretend to be more like you, Jess, and live on a sparkly rainbow and drive a unicorn around and just sing all the time.

Nick