New Girl
Tuesdays 8:30 PM on FOXNew Girl Quotes
Jess: I had the best sex of my life last night.
Nick: Oh so that was you? I thought it was a couple bums fighting.
Jess: It wasn't. It was me. Having sex. I left my body, went up to heaven, saw my grandparents, thought it was weird that I saw my grandparents, came back down. I became a werewolf, I scared some teenagers. I came back into my body. Only thing is, he thinks my name is Katie and that I'm a dancer and/or something involving puppets.
Nick: Let's just say, we live in a world where time exists. If that's the case-
Schmidt: 1. Marie Antoinette. 2 Cleopatra 3. Young Ann Margret 4. Old Ann Margret -
Nick: Would you shut up, you clown!
Old Nick: Can I tell you something?
Nick: Not really.
Old Nick: I'm you, from the future.
Nick: Well, that's a first.
Sam: Hi - are you Katie? I'm Sam from CupidMatch.
Jess: And I'm the girl from my dreams of you.
Winston, your sister got so hot! I'm gonna have to Shaq attack her! May I have your blessing? Because I'm gonna be like dribbling up the court, illegal sexual foul - boom! Illegal use of hands - boom!
Schmidt
Schmidt: Honey, what happened to you in your life that made you like this?
Shot girl: I graduated from MIT then I got into a horrible accident where I lost half my brain.
Schmidt: There it is.
Can you believe the zoo wouldn't let me borrow their white tiger? I mean, the nerve! Philip Seymour Hoffman is going to be sitting at the back of the party thinking, "Look at that guy. He couldn't even get a big cat".
Schmidt
Jess: I got laid off.
Winston: What!?
Nick: Are you serious?
Schmidt: Obama...
Sure, I could get a girl drunk and topless with only some crushed ice, a hollowed out papaya, and two fingers of rum. But then I grew up, and now I only want to make a drink that a coal miner would want. Straightforward, honest. Something that says, "I work in a hole".
Nick
I panicked and I grabbed the hat. I should have grabbed the yoyo or the slap bracelet and now all I have is this stupid hat.
Jess
Jess: I thought we talked about you not wearing your shower diaper in the kitchen!
Schmidt: Excuse me? Do you think this has been easy? To wash myself wearing a penis cast all summer?
I'm worried about Schmidt, he's a Jew in the desert I don't want him to wander.
Winston
