He's a player. Why would a good looking person ever become a doctor?

Schmidt

• Permalink: He's a player. Why would a good looking person ever become a doc...
• Added: December 11, 2012

He's talking to a woman with a sexuality I won't jump to conclusions about.

Jess

• Permalink: He's talking to a woman with a sexuality I won't jump to conclus...
• Added: December 11, 2012

Nick: Because college is so expensive...
Angie: I'm a stripper.

• Permalink: Because college is so expensive... I'm a stripper.
• Added: December 04, 2012

Everybody hates the Jews! Your mom's in the majority! I'll convert to Indianism!

Schmidt

• Permalink: Everybody hates the Jews! Your mom's in the majority! I'll conve...
• Added: December 04, 2012

Winston: The phone?
Jess: I don't know...looks like a meth-head sandwich to me!

• Permalink: The phone? I don't know...looks like a meth-head sandwich to ...
• Added: December 04, 2012

You my boo and I been missing you. I been missing you oh so long.

Schmidt

• Permalink: You my boo and I been missing you. I been missing you oh so long...
• Added: December 04, 2012

I'd put it in a bowl and eat your hair.

Schmidt

• Permalink: I'd put it in a bowl and eat your hair.
• Added: December 04, 2012

Winston: There are parts of my butt that only a tub can clean.
Jess: Ew, but okay!

• Permalink: There are parts of my butt that only a tub can clean. Ew, but ...
• Added: December 04, 2012

Nick: I don't get it. Is this bath water?
Schmidt: Might as well be; it's rosé.

• Permalink: I don't get it. Is this bath water? Might as well be; it's ros...
• Added: December 04, 2012

I can't believe I have to have feelings to have good sex. I thought I'd be dead before that happened.

Schmidt

• Permalink: I can't believe I have to have feelings to have good sex. I tho...
• Added: November 27, 2012

Jess: You care about burritos more than my children?
Nick: You're putting me in a tough spot right now!

• Permalink: You care about burritos more than my children? You're putting ...
• Added: November 27, 2012

Schmidt: Would I have to put my legs in the stirrups?
Melissa: Why would you even ask that?
Schmidt: I'm asking more so out of curiosity than fear. Hashtag, excitement.

• Permalink: Would I have to put my legs in the stirrups? Why would you eve...
• Added: November 27, 2012