What do you call a lunatic who's only got one case and no hobbies? Your worst nightmare.

Nick

I don't like kids, I don't like teaching, I just like paychecks.

Coach

When you put it like that, it sounds amazing...AND like prison.

Nick

Jess: Why does your bottom need to breathe?
Nick: It's like a plant. It needs sun and air.

You're Abby Freakin' Day. You can do whatever you want. Except vote.

Jess

Quit sorting through my trash, Coach! You're messing it all up!

Schmidt

What makes Abby's jewelry so interesting is that it is dangerous and can cut you

Schmidt

Jess, can I borrow your glasses? We're going to roleplay as you guys.

Schmidt

I've got an uncle whose God-given name is 'Shifty.'

Nick

She is sleeping. By herself. Which is called napping.

Nick

Crazy girls are kind of my 'Hurt Locker.'

Schmidt

Girl, I got an obligation...at a...sandwich...meeting.

Winston

New Girl Season 3 Quotes

Where have you been? I am having a major life crisis, and you guys are, what, just driving around, French kissing each other like a couple of Dutch hookers?

Schmidt

Puzzle me this then, Winston-- how do you live with yourself?

Schmidt