Favorite Parks and Recreation Quotes
Where's all the faces of the presidents?
Andy
Jean-Ralphio: This party sucks. Let's get out of here.
April: It's my birthday party.
Jean-Ralphio: It is?
April: Yes.
Jean-Ralphio: Sorry, boo.
Leslie has a lot of qualities I find horrifying. But the worst one by far is how thoughtful she can be.
Ron
It's never too early to learn that the government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer's teet until they have sore, chapped nipples. I'm gonna need a different metaphor to give this nine year old.
Ron
Jerry: I was walking Lord Sheldon.
April: Ew, is that code for some kind of weird sex act?
Jerry: Lord Sheldon is my dog. My wife named him.
April: Ew.
Zerts are what I call deserts, tray trays are what I call entrees, sandwiches are sammies, sandoozles or Adam Sandlers, air conditioners are cool blaterz with a "z" ... I don't know where that came from. I call cakes big ol' cookies, I call noodles long ass rice, fried chicken is fry fry chicky chick, chicken parmesan is chicky chicky parm parm, chicken caciatore is chicky catch, I call eggs pre-birds or future birds, root beer is super water, tortillas are bean blankets, and I call forks... food rakes!
Tom
Strippers do nothing for me. I like a strong, salt of the Earth, self-possessed woman at the top of her field. Your Steffi Grafs, your Sheryl Swoopeses, but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace.
Ron
Leslie: Do you need to get that?
Ann: No, it's just penises.
Andy recently diagnosed himself with what he calls Shoeshine Head. It's when you shine too many shoes and the fumes create a thunderstorm in your brain. Cures include coffee, cheeseburgers and napping on the floor.
April
Andy: Let me go to Big Head Joe's for you. They have the most insane burritos.
Ron: I don't much go for ethnic food.
Andy: No no no. Trust me. They have one that's called the meat tornado. Literally killed a guy last year.
Ron: You had me at meat tornado.
When I'm done eating a Mulligan's meal, for weeks afterwards, there are flecks of meat in my mustache. And I refuse to clean it because every now and then a piece of meat will fall into my mouth.
Ron
The library is the worst group of people ever assembled in history. They're mean, conniving, rude and extremely well read, which makes them very dangerous.
Leslie
