Parks and Recreation Season 2 Episode 11: "Tom's Divorce" Quotes
There is a girl here that also works at Quiznos. She's really nice to me here, but really mean to me at Quiznos.
OK, lap dances are on me. I mean I'm paying for them. They're not gonna actually be on me.
Leslie
I'm a feminist, OK? I would never ever go to a strip club. I've gone on record that if I had to have a stripper's name, it would be Equality. But I'm willing to sacrifice all that I've worked for just to put a smile on your perverted little face.
Leslie [to Tom]
April: I want to go to The Glitter Factory.
Leslie: Well, drop out of school and start doing meth.
Leslie: We are going to The Glitter Factory.
Tom: What?
Donna: Not me. I can't go back there. But if you see Jasmine tell her she can keep Anfernee, but I want my microwave back.
Tom: She's a tall, beautiful surgeon. I'm a short, beautiful government employee slash club promoter.
Leslie: You're a club promoter?
Tom: Aspiring.
Mark: You have nothing else to give me.
Andy: I have a T-shirt I tackled Eddie Vedder in. It's literally priceless.
Looking at her, I feel like she might be the perfect spooning size for me.
Ron [about Wendy]
Step two. Lose to your opponent intentionally so they gain confidence. Step two has been completed. Easily. Very easily, Mark is pretty good at pool.
Andy
I love you, Tom. You're my lil' prince. Just want to put you in a little cape and a little hat and just fly you around.
Donna
Jerry: I really wish I could have your body.
Tom: What?
April: Eww, like tied up naked in your basement?
Jerry: No, no I mean you're in good shape and you can eat whatever you want.
Leslie: That was weird, Jerry.
Andy: No, I just figured because, uh, pool's all about angles and he's a failed architect that he might want to play pool.
Mark: Let's do it.
Ann: Really? That worked?
