Stop offering people shit! This is a home invasion!

Lee

Volcheck: Please forgive me, but I really wanna fuck you. Tonight.
Donna: Really sweetie? Cause I really wanna fuck you, too.

Mickey: You got no real porn.
Bunchy: I'm a sexual anorexic.
Mickey: Uh huh. Well, we'll take care a dat. A man's got needs.

Mickey: Be my muscle. Keep track of the ladies. And for that you will have a 20% stake in this operation.
Daryll: Twenty percent? Pop you better rethink your math. That's my car on the hook. 50/50.
Mickey: Young man, I will tell you what my father told me. Fuck you, 20% is all you get.

It's dirty money, Ray, ya know? The Church, they're going broke with all these lawsuits.

Bunchy

You know how ya start your mornings in prison? Watching your cellmates take a sh*t!

Mickey

Do you know how much money I gave after Katrina? Darfur? I'm a good person. You know, I struggle, I hurt, I make mistakes. But I'm a good person. I make this world a better place. You gotta help me Ray.

Sean

Ray: Where's your father?
Marvin Gaye: Dead Holmes.
Ray: Lucky you.

Mickey: Conor, you a fag?
Conor: I don't think so.
Mickey: I met some stand up fags in prison. Good guys. Tough guys. If one of your little friends wants to give you a blow job, that's fine. A mouth is a mouth. But don't let them f*ck you in that ass. That's how you get sick.
Conor: Thanks Grandpa.

Ray: I have a black half brother.
Abby: You're jokin' me.
Ray: No.
Abby: Oh my God. That's crazy!

Mickey: Tell me one true thing Ezra.
Ezra: We all die.
Mickey: Ain't that the truth.

Ray: Where's the car Ezra?
Ezra: What car?
Ray: Your car?
Ezra: Calm down Ray. You seem tense. You should get a massage.

Ray Donovan Quotes

Mickey: I got a good one for ya.
Bunchy: Dad, don't.
Stan: It's alright.
Mickey: What's the difference between acne and a priest? Acne waits until a boy's 14 to come on his face.

Well it's not going to lick itself.

Motel Owner