Roseanne
Tuesdays 8:00 PM on ABCRoseanne Quotes
Roseanne: Dan! Dan!
Dan: What? What happened?
Roseanne: I thought you were dead!
Dan: I'm sleeping! Why does everybody always think I'm dead?
Roseanne: You looked happy. I thought maybe you moved on.
Tough kid. I'm gonna miss him.
Dan
Mark: There's this girl who always offers to dissect everybody's frogs.
Darlene: OK. You can be her friend for now, but you know as she gets older you might want to drift away.
Mark: Granny Rose already told everyone she's a witch.
Darlene: No. She'd never get that close to a broom.
Darlene: What the hell were you thinking?
Dan: I didn't think it was that big of a deal, Darlene. You wanted a knife at that age, and I gave you one.
Darlene: That was to defend myself at home.
Darlene: Where's dad?
Roseanne: He's in the kitchen. He's washing his tail in the sink.
Becky: Mom!
I don't care how long it takes to recover. I'll take all the drugs you got.
Becky
Roseanne: So are you gonna be there when Becky has sex with your husband or what?
Becky: Mom! They don't do it like that.
Andrea: Does mental illness run in your family? And don't be embarrassed. I mean I get anxiety on international flights.
Becky: No mental illness.
Jackie: Well. Our mother was never formally diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure she's start raving...
Andrea: Mrs. Conner, did all of your children's deliveries go according to your birth plan?
Roseanne: Umm, they found their way out if that's what you mean.
I'm Lanford's leading life coach.
Jackie
I think you guys are really gonna like Mark cause he is a lot of fun, and he's very fashionable. Sometimes he wants to wear a dress or a real fancy top. I think he's gonna grow up, and be a fashion designer, a really famous one like TJ Maxx or the Ross guy. So I'm counting on you guys to make the new kid feel welcome, and if you don't I have ways of finding out about it. I'm a white witch.
