Speed it up, old man! I'm driving a piece of crap, what's your excuse?!


Sam: There is not an amnesia strong enough to erase the memory of last week's Tai Chi exercises.
Regina: I told you, I thought it was supposed to be done naked. How long do I have to keep apologizing?

Samantha: Okay, first of all, I'm not dating Todd, and second of all, I'm not chasing him, I just tracked him down to tell him, that I'm not stalking him.
Regina: I'm never getting grand kids, am I?

Frank: And... how are you today?
Samantha: How am I? I'm virgin, that's how I am!
Frank: Yes madam... and I'm a pirate! Shall I call you a cab?

Andrea: Listen to me, listen to me. You are ready for this. You look fabulous, the pond is deep, the fish are biting!
Dena (suddenly appearing): Well, hello!
Andrea: But then a boat motors through...

Regina: I don't want you to think I'm one of those uptight mothers, I... I... I want to be supportive, so, c'mon, let's get my little girl laid.
Dena: Okay!
Samantha (to Andrea): This is bad, right?
Andrea: Do you think?! I'm out with a dork, her mother and her stalker. Looks like I'm leading the special-needs field trip.

Samantha: So she's hum, she seems nice... She's very pretty.
Todd: Oh, thanks.
Samantha: I didn't say you were pretty! I said she was pretty.

Samantha: Mom, can I talk to you about something kind of personal?
Regina: Oh, I knew this was going to come up sooner or later.
Samantha: You did?
Regina: Yes, and hunny, don't worry... you're not dying, this happens to every woman, once a month.

I'm just not gonna check the machine anymore, I mean if those people want to find me they can just hunt me down.. no, no that's not good.

Dena: (about Samantha) She's a bridesmaid!
Regina: In a wedding?
Dena: Yeah.
Regina: You mean someone liked her?
Samantha: Yes mother, it is possible despite my upbringing.

Regina: You're never gonna make it sweetheart.
Samantha: No? Watch me. Somebody likes me and it's an honor to be asked and I'm not gonna let down my good friend Victoria.
Dena: Valerie.
Samantha: Whatever.

Samantha: Disinvited? But she liked me. How can she disinvite someone she likes so much?
Andrea: Oh I don't know, it might be because you started a litte wedding pool on how long the marriage would last.
Samantha: Well that's not very likable.

Samantha Who? Season 1 Quotes

Sam: Couple of good things about being in a coma: no fattening food, lots of rest, they sponge you down every day. It's like a spa. Bad things: my nose itches, I have something called the "Pina Colada Song" stuck in my head, and, oh yeah, sometimes I can hear what people in my room are saying.

Sam: Good things about amnesia: all new clothes, no re-runs. Bad: every minute is like that dream where you haven't been to class all year, and the test is now.