Schmigadoon!
Wednesdays on Apple TV+Schmigadoon! Season 1 Episode 5: "Tribulation" Quotes
So we're not cheating. We're just exploiting a loophole. Gee, thanks!
Carson
I know it is bonkers for Jorge to choose me over you. You could have anyone. Alfred Hitchcock would turn down a custard pie to torture you. Love is weird.
Melissa
Melissa: You can't do this. I'm not the bad guy, here.
The Countess: You walked into my engagement and destroyed my future. That's called being the bad guy.
Melissa: Well, it's never explicitly stated, but I think you're a Nazi.
The Countess: Of course, I'm a Nazi.
Oh no, is this a dream ballet? No, no, we're not having a dream ballet. Okay? They're annoying and stupid. They slow everything down. Nobody likes a dream ballet. Nobody!
Melissa
Danny Bailey: Well, well, well. I've walked these woods all my life. This is the first time I've come across a six-foot snake.
Josh: Six-one, actually. And my BMI's nineteen.
I love this town. Y'all know my great-great-grand-daddy founded Schmigadoon when he came upon this beautiful tract of land and said, 'They'll never find us here.'
Mildred Layton
I didn't become a surgeon for fellowships. I did it because I wanted to help people without having to talk to them.
Josh
I tried to alert the mayor but his mind was elsewhere. In his pants! His poor wife is so ashamed, she locked herself inside her house. And this time, on purpose.
Mildred Layton
Doc Lopez: My number one of the day... Well, it was me. I was a horrible doctor.
Melissa: No! Although, maybe you could prescribe less radium water.
Doc Lopez: Melissa, this is The Countess, Gabriele Von Blerkom. She also invented stainless steel!
The Countess: Jorge, please. I dabble in alumino-thermic reduction processes, and I got lucky.
Josh: I really need to get back to New York.
Emma: But you can't! I mean, it isn't safe. It's filled with gambling and crime and poor souls who've tried to make it big but can't go back home because of foolish pride.
Josh: See, that's what I love about New York.
Now, I've got nothing against outsiders, provided they're the right kind of people. The kind of folk who look and talk and act like us. Like peas in a pod and birds of a feather.
Mildred Layton
