Chanel #3: Shut up. This was his redemption. Now he can be forgiven for killing all those people.
Chanel: Uhhhh, I don't think it works that way.
Chanel #3: Shut up!

Now you get to watch me grow old, and I get to see if you'll actually grow old or if you're a vampire who never ages like everyone says.

Dean Munsch [to Brock]

Chanel #5: I do have teeth in my vagina!
Chanel: I knew it!
Chanel #5: I didn't want to die a liar. They are very sharp. And I don't know how they got there.

This is a bigger bomb than 'Cloud Atlas'!

Nurse Hoffel

Dean Munsch: Zayday! You're safe! Oh, I'm so relieved.
Zayday [sarcastically]: Yeah, thank you guys for all your tireless efforts in trying to find me. I was trapped in a well again.

Munsch: Wait, are you saying that I ate lamb brains and not human brains?
Swando: Of course we don't eat human brains, you xenophobic piece of garbage!

That's insane, I drink water! I mean, I'm constantly drinking. [pause] Oh my god! I only drink scotch! Or vodka.

Dean Munsch

I'm crushed with jealousy. I mean, jealousy has pinned me down and is sitting on my chest and farting.

Chanel

This whole plan depends on Dean Munsch being dead. And if she's alive, then she gets to keep her money and I have to go back to prison where I literally have to draw porn to masturbate to, and I am a TERRIBLE artist.

Hester

I miss my husband so much. His arm muscles weren't very big, but they were mine.

Jane Hollis

Zayday: He did the right thing, which means deep down, he's a good person who knows right from wrong. Who taught him that?
Jane Hollis: Well, he watches a lot of television. 'Modern Family' impacted him deeply.

Brock: Kathy, let's enjoy the last few days of your life the way you should. With you and I as man and wife.
Munsch: Pounding?
Brock: Yes, darling. Pounding.

Scream Queens Quotes

Chanel #2: Also! Zero dinosaurs.
Chanel: There's no dinosaurs?
Chanel #2: No. As soon as I got there I was like, "Where are the dinosaurs?" And they were like, "We know. Jesus broke in and stole them."

Attention all useless Kappa Sluts -- Congratulations! If you're reading this, it means you've overcome the limitations of your tiny manatee brains and opened an email. Now if you're asking yourself 'Derrr, wait, I'm confused, is Chanel talking to ME? Am I a useless Kappa slut?' simply ask yourself the following question aloud. 'Is my name Chanel #3, Chanel #5, Chanel #6, or Zayday Williams?' If the answer to that is yes, then felicitations, this missive is for you!

Chanel