Chanel #3: Shut up. This was his redemption. Now he can be forgiven for killing all those people.
Chanel: Uhhhh, I don't think it works that way.
Chanel #3: Shut up!

Now you get to watch me grow old, and I get to see if you'll actually grow old or if you're a vampire who never ages like everyone says.

Dean Munsch [to Brock]

Chanel #5: I do have teeth in my vagina!
Chanel: I knew it!
Chanel #5: I didn't want to die a liar. They are very sharp. And I don't know how they got there.

This is a bigger bomb than 'Cloud Atlas'!

Nurse Hoffel

Dean Munsch: Zayday! You're safe! Oh, I'm so relieved.
Zayday [sarcastically]: Yeah, thank you guys for all your tireless efforts in trying to find me. I was trapped in a well again.

Munsch: Wait, are you saying that I ate lamb brains and not human brains?
Swando: Of course we don't eat human brains, you xenophobic piece of garbage!

That's insane, I drink water! I mean, I'm constantly drinking. [pause] Oh my god! I only drink scotch! Or vodka.

Dean Munsch

I'm crushed with jealousy. I mean, jealousy has pinned me down and is sitting on my chest and farting.

Chanel

This whole plan depends on Dean Munsch being dead. And if she's alive, then she gets to keep her money and I have to go back to prison where I literally have to draw porn to masturbate to, and I am a TERRIBLE artist.

Hester

I miss my husband so much. His arm muscles weren't very big, but they were mine.

Jane Hollis

Zayday: He did the right thing, which means deep down, he's a good person who knows right from wrong. Who taught him that?
Jane Hollis: Well, he watches a lot of television. 'Modern Family' impacted him deeply.

Brock: Kathy, let's enjoy the last few days of your life the way you should. With you and I as man and wife.
Munsch: Pounding?
Brock: Yes, darling. Pounding.

Scream Queens Quotes

Halloween is the most important day of the year. It's the one day on the Gregorian calendar where you're allowed to go around terrifying children and not be branded a psychopath. I am a future network news anchor who's super classy and has almost no fat on her body. But a lot of my fans are, like, friendless dumpy coeds at this or that nursing school in one of this country's various national armpits. And Chanel-O-Ween is the one time a year where I can give these precious donkeys something to look forward to. They put down their Hot Pockets and bask in the warm glow of what it feels like to love me. Chanel-O-Ween is approaching so I went shopping with my comatose grandmother's credit card and bought presents. This severed hand is for Mallory. These razor apples- for Daisy!

Chanel

Grace: You're an awful person.
Chanel: Maybe. But I'm rich and I'm pretty so it doesn't really matter.