Popular Scrubs Quotes
J.D.: Your woman wants me so bad, we've developed our own little shorthand with each other... Mornin'!
Carla: Morning!
J.D.: That means "good morning"!
Turk: Noted.
Dr. Cox: Lookit, here's the rule, there, porn-star: The moment her toothbrush hits your sink, you've got yourself a permanent roomie.
J.D.: There'll be toilet paper everywhere!
Dr. Cox: And, last but not least, there was the surgeon who wanted to crack open Mr. Blake's chest like a walnut and put in a pacemaker that he didn't even need. Now, he's too modest to introduce himself to the group, so I'll do the honors. He is so black, so bald, and he can't eat cupcakes because he's got diabetes. Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Turk!
Turk: Can you just get out of here so we can get back to work?
Dr. Cox: Not until people start chanting my name so that I can exit the room with my hands held high above my head in a victorious gesture. Capisce?
Murray: He's not my dad, he's my fake dad. Which means what my fake cousin Samantha and I almost did in the tenth grade would have been beautiful... and right.
J.D.: Been there with my gram-gram...
So here I am. Sitting on a box, in an empty apartment with a dead dog, and a single tear on my cheek. I can't help but wonder how I got to this place.
J.D.'s Narration
Ted is about to jump off the roof
Ted: Not today! Life's too good!
Dr. Kelso: Chicken.
(J.D. winks at Dr. Cox)
Dr. Cox: Oh my God, Sabrina. You had better tell me that you just had laser eye surgery and they accidentally severed the muscle that enables you to hold that lid up, because you did not just wink at me!
J.D.: I didn't mean anything by it, I wink at everybody. (Winks at Dr. Kelso) Hey, Dr. Kelso!
Dr. Kelso: Save it for the bathhouses, sport.
Dr. Cox: You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
Jordan: Yeah! That-that-ohhhh! That we invite Muscles, here, to hang a banner in our bedroom that says "It takes three to party"?
J.D.: S-sh-I don't care, Sean!
J.D.: Come on, Turk!
Turk: Hey. I just wanted you to know I don't have a problem with you, I just can't resist a good storm-off.
Sean: Oh, who can?
Elliot: Why'd you have me paged?
Jill: To ask you to forgive me.
Elliot: For what?
Dr. Cox: Hello, sad clown. Thanks for paging her.
Elliot: How could you?
Jill: He-he called me "Cutie" and then he said something about my eyes... being as blue as the ocean- I... I got confused.
Elliot: Yeah, it probably would've worked on me, too.
Dr. Cox: You're damn right it would've
Carla: That's the worst advice I've ever heard!
Dr. Cox: Good point, Carla. Say, you don't happen to have any other gems you wanna lay on us before you run off to couples therapy to sift through the wreckage that is the first year of your marriage, do ya?
Carla: So what are you guys gonna do now that your residencies are over?
Doug: (Excited) Oh I'm still a resident. Yeah, Doctor Kelso said I'm the first medical resident to repeat his third year in the entire history of the hospital.
Carla: That's a bad thing, Doug.
Doug: Oh, I'm stayin' positive.
