Scrubs Season 3 Episode 6: "My Advice to You" Quotes
J.D.: Oh! Hey, how are you?
Danni: Good. So, I did it - I talked to my ex.
Danni: And I said, "Congratulations on the wedding, and I hope you two stay happy, and, by the way, size does matter."
Marco(translated): I bet he's whining about how I don't speak English even though he's never bothered to learn Spanish... For the woman he supposedly loves.
Carla(translated): He's trying to learn. He's already got 'yes', 'no', and 'cheese'.
Turk: Hey! Somebody say something about cheese? 'Cause if you gonna make a cheese run, holla at me, dawg!
Carla: Baby, when we left the Dominican Republic, Marco never wanted to learn English. He even went to boarding school in Puerto Rico. Imagine what it's like to constantly feel like an outsider just because you're proud of your heritage.
Turk: But did you or did you not say something about cheese?
Carla: Oh, hey Turk, why don't you play the next game with Marco?
Turk: Baby, I-I hate PacMan.
Carla: Really? Because you have bed-sheets that indicate otherwise.
Danni: I don't mind it at the movies, sitting alone. But eating alone is sad and pathetic.
J.D.: Are you stalking me?
Danni: Nooo. My sister just had a baby, so I'm doing the whole aunt thing. Plus, it's a really great excuse to run away from a relationship. My boyfriend just dumped me, so of course now I love him more than ever.
J.D.: So, is there any chance of you guys getting back together?
Danni: Well, he's engaged, and he's getting married in two weeks... but, yeah, I think so.
Dr. Cox: We are moving on!
J.D.: You heard him, people! We're moving on!
Dr. Cox: Oh, God help me.
J.D.: ...God help him!
Dr. Cox: Miss Bartow is thirty-six, she is septic, and she is in respiratory failure. Dr. Weiss, I want you to draw three sets of surveillance cultures. Mr. Murphy-
Doug: Dr. Murphy?
Dr. Cox: Eh... Just go ahead and get a steady BG. We are going to try to wean her off of the vent today, so I want all of you people to give her most of your attention.
J.D.: I say we listen to Dr. Cox, and do exactly what he says.
Dr. Cox: That's unbelievable.
Dr. Kelso: Now, complaints are just a stone's throw away from lawsuits, so from this point on, I don't care how bleak a patient's prognosis is - you are going to give each and every one of them the same amount of your time.
J.D.'s Narration: Unfortunately, our new residency director felt a little differently.
Dr. Cox: Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. And, oh my goodness, if we don't have somebody here that we might be able to help.
Elliot: What'd I miss?
Dr. Kelso: It's come to my attention...
J.D.: Something's come to his attention.
Dr. Kelso: ...that some family members of our critically ill patients have been complaining because of the relatively small amount of time you all spend with their loved ones. 'Course, in Dr. Murphy's case that's probably a good thing.
Doug: Sir, if I could just take this chance to explain my disturbingly high mortality rate?
Dr. Kelso: Why don't I do that for you? You're a bad doctor.
Dr. Cox: Say, Angela...
J.D.: Oh, I think he means me, Angela.
J.D.'s Narration: I wonder what I did now.
Dr. Cox: Lookit, this new gig is a great opportunity for me, and I-I want it to go well. And, for some reason, all these other bobble-heads seem to look up to you, so it would make my life one hell of a lot easier if you got in line behind me.
Dr. Cox: All right, I'm sure you're wondering why I accepted the position of residency director considering my disdain for, well... all of you. Is it the extra four dollars a week in my paycheck? Or is it the fact that I finally have a chance to make a difference in this God-forsaken hell-hole.
Dr. Cox: It's all about the four dollars, trust me. And seeing as my money is contingent on you lemmings actually doing your jobs, I would say that now is a pretty good time for you to scurry on back to work so that I can continue to afford the antidepressants that keep me so damn jolly. GO!
Dr. Cox: Fine. I'm gonna go ahead and tell you how it ends: Dr. Phil says, "And how... is that working out... for you?" And the big fat lady cries, "Wah."
J.D.: What are you doing?
Elliot: All the beds are taken. Scoot.
J.D.: Bunk with The Todd!
Elliot: J.D., you know that he is a sleep humper.
Todd: Sometimes when I'm banging this mattress, I'm thinking about banging that one!