J.D.'s narration: Is there a sexier woman alive?
Elliot: Oh, I gotta go. My chinhair's back.
J.D.'s narration: Oh, I wish she'd cut it off and give it to me.

Dr. Kelso: Oh, don't get me wrong, you had me worried there was gonna be a bunch of young Dr. Coxes roaming the halls, calling me "Bobbo", shaving my genitals when I pass out at the Christmas party...
Dr. Cox: Tradition is tradition, Bob.
Dr. Kelso: Yeah... Then I remembered that you've been here over ten years, and there's not a single disciple of yours to be found. And you know why?
Dr. Cox: You told 'em this exact same story and bored 'em to death?

Dr. Kelso: And guess what, Dr. Cox knows it, too. Although damned if he doesn't disagree with me just because I said it.
J.D.: Sir, I don't think that's true.
Dr. Kelso: Perry! It's hotter than hell in here!
Dr. Cox: Freezing!
Dr. Kelso: Great coffee, though!
Dr. Cox: Rat piss!
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Murphy is an incompetent suck-up.
Dr. Cox: No, Bob. In fact, he's one of the finest young doctors I've ever had the good fortune of working with.
Dr. Kelso: Your witness.
J.D.: What are you doing?
Doug: I'm calling my dad!

Dr. Kelso: Perry, the fact that these residents are spending most of their time buzzing around that one patient makes me think that you told them to disobey a direct order from me.
Dr. Cox: Bob Kelso, that's just not true. Here, I told them to disregard all direct orders from you.

J.D.: Hi. Danni, we need to move on, okay? No more thinking about our exes; no more waiting for the phone to ring; no more stealing her purse just so you can return it later in the hopes that she'll be so grateful, she'll use the money recovered to buy you a drink and maybe have sex with you after.
Danni: Did that work?
J.D.: I stole the wrong purse... And, yes!

Elliot: But, Dr. Cox, earlier today Dr. Kelso was telling us that he wants -
Dr. Cox: Ugssshhhhh. I don't ever want to hear anything that's come out of that man's mouth; unless, of course, it's "Oh, my God! I'm dying. Now I'm moving towards the light. But wait a minute, there's been a mistake! This is Hell! Hello, Hitler. Hello, Mussolini. Captain Kangaroo? That's weird!" Don't you see, Barbie, I would rather listen to you go on and on about the joys of dolphin sex.
Elliot: Dolphin trainer sex. My boyfriend is a dolphin trainer.
Dr. Cox: Here that's a shame, because the whole dolphin thing used to make you so interesting. Too bad.

Danni: We'd still die.
J.D.: We'd still what?
Danni: If the elevator cable snapped, even if we timed it out perfectly and jumped up right before impact, we'd still be crushed to death. I wish I'd taken the stairs.
J.D.: Me too.
Danni: Sorry, sometimes I just have this inner monologue running through my head.
J.D.'s Narration: Inner monologue? Weirdo!
J.D.: That's my floor.
Danni: Lucky bastard.

Jordan: I'm having second thoughts about our giant nanny. She's lovely and all, but every time the fridge is empty, she looks at our son like he's a plate of ribs.
Dr. Cox: Well, you shoulda let me hire the really skinny model. At least if she ate Jack, she'd throw him up right after.

Carla: Now, I want you to try and get along with him this time? If you do, I promise to fulfill that fantasy of yours - but not with the weird outfit, and none of those crazy toys.
Turk: So we'd just have normal sex...
Carla: If I'm not sleepy!
Turk: Deal.

Carla: Why is there a pancake in the silverware drawer?
Turk: You mean, why is there silverware in the pancake drawer?

J.D.'s Narration: No one knew her last name, no one even remembered seeing her. I started to wonder if Danni was even real. I guess that's the thing about life. You don't really-
Danni: Hey, J.D.
J.D.: Excuse me!
J.D.'s Narration: -You don't really get many second chances.
J.D.: Oh! Danni! Hi! I'm sorry, sometimes I have this inner monologue running through my head.
Danni: Oh.
Danni's Narration: Weirdo!
Danni: I'm having dinner with my sister tonight, but I swear I'm leaving after that.
J.D.: Don't. Stay here with me, we'll get that cup of coffee.
Danni: I'm not gonna stick around for one cup of coffee.
J.D.: Okay, two cups... and some pie.
J.D.'s Narration: Finally, I found a girl with no complications.
Jordan: Oh, I see you've met my sister!
J.D.'s Narration: Oh, come on!

J.D.: So black people can get black eyes too, huh? Who knew?
Turk: I haven't have one this bad since your Nanny Hobbes threw that rock at me.
J.D.: She thought you were robbing the house.

Scrubs Season 3 Episode 6 Quotes

Carla(translated): So when I was a senior in high school, you heard me talking to my friends in English about going on the pill?
Marco(translated): No, I just learned English a few years ago.
Carla(translated): Well, good, because I wasn't on the pill, and I'm not now. I've never had sex. I hope it's fun.

Carla: And Turk, you don't mind if every now and then Marco and I speak Spanish to each other, right?
Turk: Baby, fo'shizzle-dizzle. Do your thizzle, 'cause I'm up out this pizzle. Chach! See, we got our own secret language, too. Eh-ha!
Marco(translated): What did he say?
Carla(translated): I have no idea.
Marco(translated): Jackass!