Dr. Kelso: I really think you're making a big mistake. You see the most destructive thing about Doctor...
Jordan: [Yawns] Yawn. You see I say yawn because when I actually yawn, you don't get it.
Dr. Kelso: See you in hell

Dr. Cox: Listen, I noticed your little boyfriend's name is not on the cast.
Carla: Are you kidding? Making me leave her alone like that.
Dr. Cox: Do you understand that she would have gotten hurt whether you were there or not.
Carla: Nuhn uh.
Dr. Cox: She fell in the shower. So, unless you two have an extremely disturbing relationship, I'm afraid that you're full of crap

Dr. Kelso: Ahh, Doctor Cox... I've been thinking about your predicament and I think I have a solution. Cruise ships.
Dr. Cox: Right.
Dr. Kelso: Think about it, everyone would call you doc, you'd visit exotic ports, heck maybe you'll even get to meet...
Dr. Cox: Listen, you should go ahead and enjoy this while you can Bobby, because if your evil genie actually does grant your wish and I disappear, the only person you'll have left to contend with will be yourself and when you really get to know that person...oh dear God you'll scream so loud that satan will wanna rip up the contract you signed at birth just to get some sleep

Carla: I can't believe she's sleeping.
Dr. Cox: I had the intern give her two valiums.
Carla: Why? Was she in alot of pain?
Dr. Cox: No... she just wouldn't shut up

Ted: As legal counselor, it is my job to inform you that your suspension is effective immediately. Oh, gah! I'm just the messenger! Your long-term job status will be decided at the board meeting. Until then, and I can not bend on this, I don't want you setting foot on the premises.
Dr. Cox: I'm going to be here all day.
Ted: That works for me; that'll be good. I hope that works out...

Since your jaw is wired shut, we're going to give you IV nutrition for a couple days, okay? Oh, sorry, you can't answer! It's like going to the dentist; I hate when they ask you questions, and you have all that stuff in your mouth, don't you? Oh, my God, I did it again!


Turk: I can't, it's still out there.
Carla: Don't call my mother "it"; it implies you think that she's a monster! Now get a move on -- it usually gets up to feed about now.
Turk: Baby, I don't understand why we couldn't stay at my place. I mean, I coulda done a whole show for you.
Carla: Ohhh! There's a show.
Turk: Yeah, there's a show. It involves music, some dancing, occasionally singing.
Carla: Can you do "Me and Mrs. Jones"?
Turk: I don't know. What's she look like?

Dr. Cox: Don't look her in the eyes, newbie; she'll steal your soul. So, how are things going down in the underworld?
Jordan: Good. And you? Still have a rollicking social life?
Dr. Cox: Since I cut you loose, it's been one big party!
Jordan: In the next five seconds, name someplace other than the hospital or your apartment you've been in the last month. Five... Four... Three... Two...
Dr. Cox: My car! On the way to the... big party.
Jordan: Ooh. That must have hurt

Carla: You may scare everybody else with those crazy eyes, but you don't scare me.
Dr. Cox: You use your mom as an excuse to not take chances.
Carla: You're never happy unless you're here.
Dr. Cox: Admit you're afraid to live your own life!
Carla: Admit that losing this place would kill you!
Dr. Cox: We done?
Carla: It's all I got.
Dr. Cox: Crazy eyes? Low blow!

J.D.: Uh... I just don't think we should see each other again.
Jordan: The story of my life. Anytime I let my guard down just a little, I get hurt.
J.D.: I am so sorry.
Jordan: You know how long it's been since I connected with someone? You know, it's not fair that just because of him I don't get to spend time... Boy, it's hard to keep that going! See ya, D.J., I got a date. "See each other again"...
J.D.: She's gonna be okay

Turk: No matter how embarrassing you think it might be, it's always helpful to talk to someone neutral. For example, take a look at me: I am now, thanks to therapy, in a healthy relationship with a beautiful woman who won't sleep over at my house because she thinks I broke her mother's leg

J.D.: Your ex-wife. She's the answer.
Dr. Cox: Uhhh... Things that ruined my life. Things that took half my money. Things with sharp edges?

Scrubs Season 1 Episode 6 Quotes

Turk: You know, I went to therapy once.
Elliot: You did?
Turk: Yeah. Once, though, like, back in '93 to '94; and then three months in '95; and then I went to Group which was a disaster

Dr. Cox: She was never boring.
J.D.: What happened?
Dr. Cox: Eh, you marry somebody just like your mother, and then you remember you hate your mother