Elliot: Okay. The patient is in shock so the first thing we want to try to do is assess intervascular volume.
Dr. Cox makes a buzzer sound
Elliot: What, that's right.
Dr. Cox: I know. I wasn't bzzing you to indicate an incorrect answer. I was bzzing you because I was bored and I just thought that might drive you crazy.
Elliot: Ah, you're a wonderful teacher! Now stop bzzing me in front of my residents. It's unprofessional.
Dr. Cox: You're right Barbie. Carry on.
Elliot: Ahem. So, when you're dealing with cardiogenic shock... it's best to start fluid resusita-
Dr. Cox: BONG!

See Turk? This is our problem. We're trying to have a serious conversation here, but you're more concerned about how your OTHER wife is doing!


J.D.'s Narration: Turk and Carla were having some relationship trouble of their own. But at least they were working on it.
Turk: Baby, I don't understand why we can't discuss this after The A-Team.

Kylie: Wait right here... It's for your scooter- What are you doing?
J.D. has stripped down to his boxers and is lying on the couch
J.D.: Nothing. I was just going to do a little laundry. I assume your facilities are in-building?
Kylie: Why is it always about sex with you?
J.D.: It's not! Look. Kylie. I'm just really proud of my abs. Or... ab.

Ted: You want to get Elliot, get in good with her best friend.
Janitor: Who's Elliot?

Turk: I did it! Cut off all ties with Rosanna. Forever.
Carla: Baby, that took like 20 seconds. How did you do that so quickly?
Turk: It was easy. I just told her I was married.
Carla: You've been talking with this girl you used to sleep with, and you never told her you were married?
Turk: She never asked...?
Carla: It's no big deal... 'cause if you're lucky, maybe you won't be married for much longer.

There was one other girl, a few years ago... Red Haired Doctor. She used to eat lunch with me. Until the other residents started making fun of her. They called her Janitor Lunch Eater. Not the most clever group.


Elliot: College was weird. I was so worried about being liked that I let my freshman roommate think we were dating for three months. We broke up at a sorority formal. Ah, nobody could snuggle like Daisy. Didn't you say Dr. Cox was coming at 8?
Janitor: Oh, I'm sure he'll be here soon. I kissed a dude once. It was at furnace camp.

Molly: You know, they make thongs specifically for low-riders now.
Elliot: They don't work for me. I still can't sit down without showing the
whole world the crack of my ass. The other night, some guy tried to put a
pen in it.
J.D.'s Narration: Some guy... I never get credit for anything!

I gotta tell you there, Supercuts. I've seen a lot of crazy things at this hospital. I've seen smokers live to be a hundred, and I've seen triathletes come in here and drop dead at twenty. I've seen unbridled joy, and I've seen debilitating pain. But I never thought I'd see a jumpsuit wearing, van driving, vomit cleaning, no good confounded Frankenstein looking baffoon like you get a girl like Barbie.

Dr. Cox

Molly: That's the 'Close' button.
J.D.: Oh no, it's the 'Close' button. When somebody gets close it activates a sensor that opens the door.
Molly: Fancy.

Dr. Kelso: Ladies, this is a hospital, not the junior league. Let's break it up. And Dr. Clock, I feel as though I've been seeing less and less of you recently. We don't pay you good money to go hide in your office. Let's get out there on the floor.
Molly: I moved to Milwaukee four months ago.
Dr. Kelso: Welcome back.

Scrubs Season 4 Episode 19 Quotes

Janitor: You guys are out. You guys are back in. Where's Margo?
Randall: She's at a Ludacris concert with her birth mom.
Janitor: I lose my van to him, and I lose Margo to gangsta rap. Bad day.

Carla: You've been talking to this girl you used to sleep with, and you never told her you were married?
Turk: She never asked?