Dr. Cox: You know newbie, it's so interesting, I found I couldn't sleep last night, so in order to pass the time, I started to make a list of things that annoy me more than you. Anyway, I came up with people who call Wednesdays "Hump Day", of course all Sandra Bullock movies but now I'm thrilled to announce your brother tops the list which is...
Dan: Hey, chief! Does this speech have an intermission? 'Cause I gotta go to the lobby and take a wizz.
Dr. Cox: Aaaactually, I'm not so keen on nicknames from guys that barely know me!
Dan: Aaaaactually, why don't you tell me what you keen on?

Dr. Cox: Dodging a funeral? Nice!
Turk: Excuse me?
Dr. Cox: Just a veteran move from the baby face sophomore. The whole "I'm sorry for your loss" thing was a little Hallmarky for me but darnit all, if you're not showing just a ton of promise.

Turk: So, Dr. Cox, your intern asked for a surgical consult on Mr. Karny?
Dr. Cox: Yeah.
Turk: I suggest we do a fem-pop bypass.
Dr. Cox: Mr. Karny is a frail old man, who'd probably snap in half from a light sponge bath.
Turk: All I'm saying is if we do surgery, we can improve his quality of life.
Dr. Cox: The guy's a thousand. What's he gonna take a steamer over to Europe, open up a cafe and finally meet that nine-hundred year-old girl of his dreams?

Now before you get too awful high up on your horse there Tonto, I feel it's my duty to remind you of just a little something. See you just made a twenty-dollar bet on whether a fellow human-being would live or die. Now tell me, just exactly how does that make you feel Mr. Sensitive? Pretty good? All the best.

Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: Hahaha...
Carla: Why are you laughing?
Dr. Cox: Well off the top of my head I'd have to say it's because he's suffering. But of course I love the poetry of someone putting themself way up on a pedestal and getting knocked the hell back down into this puddle of self-hatred with the rest of us.
Carla: Did you do this to him?
Dr. Cox: No. Did anyone ever really do anything to anyone else?
Carla: You're gonna tell why you did this, and it better be good.
Dr. Cox: How does, for poops and giggles grab ya?

Dr. Cox: Lemme guess, you're off to another funeral. I'll make you a deal you come with me right now and if you're still late for the graveyard, I will personally scour the obituaries with you this weekend and we can just go nuts.
Turk: Carla put you up to this?
Dr. Cox: No it was my idea. I desperately want to be close with you, I just can't figure out how to connect. Turn around. Turn around. You see Dr. Wen in there? He's explaining to that family that something went wrong and that the patient died. He's gonna tell them what happened, he's gonna say he's sorry and then he's going back to work. Do you think anybody else in that room is going back to work today? That is why we distance ourselves, that is why we make jokes. We don't do it because it's fun, we do it so we can get by and sometimes because it's fun. But mostly its the gettin' by thing. Oh and by the way (bobs head) "Bob", who doesn't get that?

Dan: Touch-and-go there for a while. You're a fighter! You pulled through. We're gonna get you out of here today, but... I'd like you to keep an eye on those... rickles.
Patient: Rickles is my last name.
Dan: You bet it is. Do you have kids?
Patient: Yeah, two.
Dan: That's what I'm saying. Let's keep an eye on the little Rickles - children are our future!
J.D.: Doctor, it's an emergency, we need you right away.
Dan: Dammit, Bambi, I'm busy! So hard to find a good male nurse these days. Am I right?

Turk: How 'bout this one?
J.D.: You want to get a clear shower curtain? Why don't I just nude up in the living room and you can spray me down with a hose.
Turk: Dude, if you're gonna be that self-conscious, I could always doodle in chest hairs right about where you'd stand.
J.D.: I have a chest hair... I named him Clancy.

J.D.: I can't believe she called me "sir."
Turk: She called me "mister."
Carla: Maybe it's because you're bald?
Turk: I'm not bald - I shave my head.
Carla: Well, then, let it grow back.
Turk: Careful, honey!

J.D.: We're practically kids!
Elliot: Really? Well, what are you doing for Halloween tomorrow night?
Turk: Well, we used to dress up as pigs and hit every bar in town!
J.D.: Yeah! You have not lived until you've seen a drunken pig do The Robot.
Carla: She didn't ask what you used to do, she asked what you're doing this Halloween.
Turk: We got plans!
J.D.: Big plans!
Elliot: Watch T.V. and sleep?
Turk: Yeah, pretty much.
J.D.: Oh, I may take a bath first.
Turk: Bubbles?
J.D.: Give me some!

J.D.: What the hell are you doing here?
Dr. Cox: You know, it's funny, Vivian, I was just going to ask you the exact same question, seeing as how I paged you four minutes and thirty-eight seconds ago.
J.D.: Dr. Cox, this is my big brother, Dan! He just showed up unexpected!
Dr. Cox: Heh. Four minutes and forty-four seconds.
Dan: Whoa, whoa; easy, there, chief! Why don't we have one of those nurses, there, pour you a big, tall glass of calm down juice?

Carla: So, Dan, what brings you to town?
Dan: Oh, some guy hired me to fly here, drive his Mercedes back - I figure it's an easy way to pick up some extra cash.
Carla: Oh. Plus, you get to hang out with Bambi!
J.D.'s Narration: Maybe he'll let that go...
Dan: Bambi?
J.D.: Well, you know, it's a term of endearment that only Carla uses.
Dan: I respect that, Bambi.
Carla: Well, that's smart, because you do not want to get on Bambi's bad side and suffer the wrath of Bambi! Brrr!

Scrubs Season 2 Episode 6 Quotes

J.D.: Look, I know you, okay. I know the reason you wanted to pretend you're a doctor yesterday is 'cause you hate working in that bar and you wanted to feel like somebody for once. Come on, man, you're not-you're not driving that car across the country for the three hundred dollars - you're doing it 'cause you like the way you feel when you drive it. And the funny thing is, you could be that guy, but you're afraid that if-if you actually have to try at something you might fail, and that's just not a chance you're willing to take.
Dan: What can I say? It's been a real pleasure seeing you.

Turk: Dude, that girl in the wolf outfit is totally checking you out!
J.D.: I'd let her to blow my house down, you know what I'm sayin'!