Scrubs Season 2 Episode 6: "My Big Brother" Quotes
Elliot: So, uh, why'd you drive someone else's car across country?
Dan: It is a great way to make three hundred bucks.
Elliot: What do you do that you could take that kind of time off?
Dan: I tend bar.
J.D.: But not just like any bar - it's like "The Bar". It's like, when all the college kids come home from Thanksgiving, it's like where everybody goes. I go there when I'm home.
Elliot: So you still live in your home town?
Dan: Yeah, I kinda take care of my mom's place, so she lets me stay with her.
J.D.: Well, Dan, you don't stay with her. I mean, come on, it-it-it-he's not like Greg Brady living in the attic with beads for a door. I mean... he totally has his own space. More like... uh, Kirk Cameron in the last season of 'Growing Pains', when he lived above the garage with Boner? Anyone? Am I the only one? Boner?... No?
Elliot: These heated seats are amazing. They make my butt tingle.
Dan: And every time you say that, an angel gets their wings.
Dr. Kelso: Do you people have any idea how long I've been waiting on you? Next time, if you're not here in thirty minutes or less, I expect a free dead body!... Or at least some garlic knots.
Turk: Dr. Kelso, I think that's extremely insensitive.
Dr. Kelso: I don't think so. Miss Parker, you care to weigh in?... Nope, she's fine with it. And she knows a thing or two!... Except of course that a yellow light means to slow down.
Elliot: Hey, you okay?
J.D.: Yeah... why wouldn't I be?
Elliot: You and your brother? I mean, come on, the tension on the ride back to work was palpable. I wanted to say something. I mean, I was this close to getting back in the car.
J.D.: That wouldn't have been a wise choice!
Lady: This is the problem with doctors today - they don't care!
Turk: No, no! It's just that, uh, recently I've had a lot of patients, and so it-I've gotten-I've been really busy!
Lady: Not too busy to come here in the middle of the day and stuff your face with free food!
Turk: Damn you, woman!
Turk: Oh, my God... I'm totally going to hell.
Carla: Turk, wait! People get thrown out of funerals every day!
Dr. Kelso: Hey, sport, how you doin'?
J.D.: Oh, good, sir.
Dr. Kelso: I don't have time to stand here and flirt, son. There have been rumblings that you let your brother play doctor the other day.
J.D.: Dr. Kelso, I-
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Dorian, if I had one shred of evidence that incident actually took place, you would be working with my nephew Francis so fast, it'd make your head spin!
J.D.: Sir, I don't follow.
Dr. Kelso: He cleans pools! I forgot you didn't know that!
Elliot: Isn't there... something you guys wanna talk about? You know, like cars or sports... or boobs?
Dan: I'll talk about boobs. Remember Fred Kiefer's mom?
J.D.: She wore a tank-top to Fred's thirteenth birthday party... She taught us how to bob for apples, and three guys passed out.
Elliot: Okay, great story! Now how about something with a little more substance?
Dan: Dude, remember the cans on Pat Clark's mom?
J.D.: Yeah! Those were awesome!
Dan: Look, J.D., we're all proud you became a doctor, but just because I haven't achieved as much as you doesn't mean I don't like what I do.
J.D.: Dan, there's nothing wrong with being a bartender.
Dan: I like living with mom.
J.D.: She makes great eggs!
Dan: All in all, I'm pretty damn happy! I'm happy... you know?
J.D.'s Narration: And now for the apology.
J.D.: That's a load of crap.
J.D.: Look, I know you, okay. I know the reason you wanted to pretend you're a doctor yesterday is 'cause you hate working in that bar and you wanted to feel like somebody for once. Come on, man, you're not-you're not driving that car across the country for the three hundred dollars - you're doing it 'cause you like the way you feel when you drive it. And the funny thing is, you could be that guy, but you're afraid that if-if you actually have to try at something you might fail, and that's just not a chance you're willing to take.
Dan: What can I say? It's been a real pleasure seeing you.
Turk: Dude, that girl in the wolf outfit is totally checking you out!
J.D.: I'd let her to blow my house down, you know what I'm sayin'!
