Dr. Kelso: Where the hell is Dr. Cox? His shift started four minutes ago!
J.D.'s Narration: Uh-oh. You've gotta cover for him.
J.D.: Have to learn to play the banjo.
Dr. Kelso: Dammit, son, are you listening to me?
J.D.: Yes, sir!
J.D.'s Narration: And buy a banjo.

Carla: What is wrong with you!?
Turk: Baby, I wasn't looking at her lovelies. Okay? I was looking at the butterfly that just happened to land on her lovelies. And who could blame it? There they are, all snuggly and safe and whatnot...
J.D.'s Narration: ...It sets everything else in motion.
J.D.: Uncomfortable!

Turk: Since I been wearing that Tabasco 'do-rag, my surgery record's like 23 and 0.
J.D.: Are you counting the boil you lanced yesterday?
Turk: Question: Did he die? Answer: No, he did not. The point is, I gotta stick with whatever's hot. Like last month, it was not wearing any underwear.
J.D.: So why don't you just take off your underwear?
Todd: That's what I keep telling him!
J.D.: Todd knows about the underwear thing?
Turk: No.

I couldn't help but think two things. First, I do look stunning in these navy scrubs - I mean, come on, who wants a taste?

J.D.'s Narration

Me, I don't believe in fate. I believe we have more control than we think and that every action has a reaction.


Janitor: Where is that lost & found box?
Randall: Over here, brah.
Elliot: Why does it say "free stuff"?
Janitor: Heh-heh. I have no idea.

Start punching out on time or I'll punch you out on time!... I don't mean that violently, I was just trying to turn a phrase.

Dr. Kelso

Janitor: Man, I don't wanna clean this up!
Laverne: Well, then, I think you picked the wrong day to be the janitor.

Elliot: Gaby, you all set for your bone marrow transplant today?
Gaby: I'm scared. I wanted to bring my stuffed pink doggie with me, but Mean Nurse says I can't.
Elliot: Well, I promise you you'll have it. Honestly, Mean Nurse, why would you say that?
Carla: Because she lost her stuffed pink doggie two days ago.
Elliot: Frick!

Turk: How are Power Rangers as lucky as Tabasco?
J.D.: You remember when communications with Zordon went down and the Megazord was destroyed?
Turk: How did I miss that episode? Ohh, that's right - I was making love to a woman.

Dr. Cox: Look, Carol, I know you think you look dashing in your navy blue scrubs, but I can't deal with the fact that I walk into the front door of this place and I find you standing there taaaalking at me.
J.D.: All I said was "good morning".
Dr. Cox: Exactly! And who in God's name wants to hear that every day?! "Good morning." In the immortal words of Daffy Duck: I demand that you shoot me now.

J.D.: I don't want to tell you how to live your life, but maybe you should avoid sushi from the Gas 'N Go.
Patient: They came free with the fill-up. What am I supposed to do, throw it away?

Scrubs Season 3 Episode 16 Quotes

Custodian: Heeeeyyy! Get outta here.
Janitor: It's all right, Butchie, she's with me.

Look, Dr. Cox, I know my opinion doesn't mean anything and I'm always wrong and apparently useless - which deep down you know isn't true because... shoot, I forgot your coffee.