Mrs. London: Surgery? I'm a Jehovah's Witness, I can't get a transfusion. We believe that blood should not be passed from person to person.
Dr. Cox: Well I'm a doctor and we believe that without surgery a person in your condition can suffer from a major case of deadness!

Janitor: Anyway, thanks for coming to the audition in that costume!
Todd: What costume?

Turk: Dr. Kelso, I'll go to that conference.
Dr. Kelso: Turkelton, I have many more pressing issues, starting with a gigantic paralyzed wife and ending with a gay son who has just written a scathing musical about me called Dr. Dad, which despite mixed reviews, has just been held over in Buffalo. So why don't you just do whatever...

Jordan: Uh, Perry, this is your son. Not a rescued pit bull. Give him a kiss.
Dr. Cox: Jordan, he's starting to look like a guy and I'm just not real big on kissing guys. I mean, when my father wanted to show me affection, he would just purposely miss when he threw bottles at my head.

J.D.: Sticks and stones may break my bones...
J.D.'s Narration: ...but words will hurt forever.

I think there's a tchotchke in my bum.


Scrubs Season 5 Episode 9 Quotes

Well, it seems I've stumbled into the "time-well-spent" ward. Back to your cage, Ted.

Dr. Kelso

E.liot: Yeah, I'm sure you said something that sucked the romance out of the moment. You used to do that all the time when we were dating.
J.D.: Like when?
(Flashback to J.D. and Elliot in bed)
J.D.: Are you getting thicker, you feel thicker?