Scrubs Season 5 Episode 1: "My Intern's Eyes" Quotes
J.D.'s Narration: Being Turk's secret roommate was going great...until now.
Carla: Turk? I'm leaving for work.
J.D.'s Narration: Okay. You've been working on your Turk impression since college. Time to shine!
Carla: Turk?
J.D.: (With Turk's voice) Baby, I'll be thinking about your lovelies and whatnot until the second I see you, but right now, I'm doing my business.
Janitor: How do you bother someone without being around them? That is the question.
Dr. Kelso: Dorian, I'm paying you to work, not stand around acting like The Fonz.
Janitor: Perfect.
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Dorian, I have kept my mouth shut about all the recent sexual harassment complaints because I don't think it's fair to punish a man for making small talk...or, say, asking his secretary just once to dress up as a geisha girl and call him Kelso-san...
J.D.: What?
Dr. Kelso: Nothing.
Dr. Kelso: Who the hell is responsible for not treating that man?
Dr. Cox: Well, Bobbo, I was going to treat him, but I lost my stethoscope.
Ow! Look, no harm done. Here are your driving glasses... here's your driving scarf... and here are your driving gloves... Fine... here's your driving sock.
J.D.
Dr. Kelso: Dorian, after four years, I can only hope you are no longer following in his footsteps.
J.D.: I turned in my paperwork already, but I'm gonna wait till tomorrow to turn in my urine sample out of respect to the fellas in the lab... There's an asparagus issue.
Dr. Kelso: Now there's an answer that warrants a half-sincere pat on the shoulder.
J.D.: Thanks, Dr. Kelso! You know, he said "half-sincere" but I'm pretty sure it was full-sincere. Feel my shoulder - it's still warm.
Dr. Cox: Lindsay, by you reaching the level of attending physician, you have somehow managed to become a member of a club that I belong to. Obviously there was no vote. Because if there had been, you would still hear the sound of my voice screaming, "Nay, nay, oh, dear God, one thousand times nay!" That being said, it's my obligation to let you in on the organization's one and only bylaw: We're men.
J.D.: Good morning, colleagues!
Dr. Cox: Oh, absolutely not.
J.D.: Ohh, what, Tall, Dark and Scary?
J.D.: Hey, guys! Follow me. Listen, if you're having trouble finding a vein for an IV, please don't page me. If you're desperate, we're lucky - this is a city hospital, there are plenty of heroin addicts who are quite adept at this. Did you find a vein, there, Reverend Mayhem?
Reverend Mayhem: No problem.
Laverne: Has anybody seen Johnny, the tackling Alzheimer's patient?
J.D.: Hey! You must be Keith.
Keith: Uh, heh.
J.D.: Don't look so nervous, buddy. I got your back.
Johnny: (Tackling J.D.) WHO AM I?!
J.D.: Whaaaagggghhh!
Laverne: I found him.
Junior? Have you seen Johnny? You know, Alzheimer's patient, likes to tackle people?
Laverne
Carla: Here you go, baby. I know you like foreplay, but I only have five minutes, so I made you a sandwich.
Turk: That's the sexiest thing I've ever seen.
Carla: Over here, Turk.
Turk: My bad, baby.
