Scrubs Season 5 Episode 1: "My Intern's Eyes" Quotes
Janitor: How do you bother someone without being around them? That is the question.
Dr. Kelso: Dorian, I'm paying you to work, not stand around acting like The Fonz.
Janitor: Perfect.
Carla: Elliot, you should be excited about meeting people over there. You could totally reinvent yourself.
Elliot: You're right! I'm gonna tell them that I am the most perfect doctor ever who never needs anyone's help with anything!
Turk: That'll end well.
Turk: Elliot, by the way, what are you doing here?
Carla: Oh, she hasn't talked to anybody at her new hospital yet.
Elliot: How did this conversation become about me?
Carla: Oh, babe, I borrowed your backpack this morning and all my change fell out the bottom.
J.D.: Maybe someone or something had to gnaw a hole in it to keep from suffocating.
Turk: Maybe someone already apologized for that about a hundred times.
J.D.: Well, maybe a hundred wasn't enough? I don't know.
Dr. Cox: (grabs a Man Card from J.D.'s pocket) Absolutely no lovers' quarrels.
J.D.: Dammit!
Look, I gotta sex her up. I'll be back as quick as I can - so it'd be about a hour and a half.
Turk
Dr. Cox: Lindsay, by you reaching the level of attending physician, you have somehow managed to become a member of a club that I belong to. Obviously there was no vote. Because if there had been, you would still hear the sound of my voice screaming, "Nay, nay, oh, dear God, one thousand times nay!" That being said, it's my obligation to let you in on the organization's one and only bylaw: We're men.
Dr. Kelso: Dorian, after four years, I can only hope you are no longer following in his footsteps.
J.D.: I turned in my paperwork already, but I'm gonna wait till tomorrow to turn in my urine sample out of respect to the fellas in the lab... There's an asparagus issue.
Dr. Kelso: Now there's an answer that warrants a half-sincere pat on the shoulder.
J.D.: Thanks, Dr. Kelso! You know, he said "half-sincere" but I'm pretty sure it was full-sincere. Feel my shoulder - it's still warm.
J.D.: Hey, guys! Follow me. Listen, if you're having trouble finding a vein for an IV, please don't page me. If you're desperate, we're lucky - this is a city hospital, there are plenty of heroin addicts who are quite adept at this. Did you find a vein, there, Reverend Mayhem?
Reverend Mayhem: No problem.
Laverne: Has anybody seen Johnny, the tackling Alzheimer's patient?
J.D.: Hey! You must be Keith.
Keith: Uh, heh.
J.D.: Don't look so nervous, buddy. I got your back.
Johnny: (Tackling J.D.) WHO AM I?!
J.D.: Whaaaagggghhh!
Laverne: I found him.
Junior? Have you seen Johnny? You know, Alzheimer's patient, likes to tackle people?
Laverne
Dr. Kelso: You're gonna love it here, sport.
Ted: Get out while you still can.
Keith: Uh...
Ted: Seriously, get out while you still can.
Keith: Heeey...
Jordan: Sparky, it's five dollars a minute to stare in public. It's free in private...
