Scrubs Season 5 Episode 4: "My Jiggly Ball" Quotes
Listen up, bozos. That gentleman over there is basically a cash piata waiting to be whacked open. So how about someone diagnoses him so I can get my candy?
Dr. Kelso
Elliot: (On phone) All right, now repeat after me...
Mr. Keck: "You can't decide for me, that's not your duty."
Elliot: (On phone) And are they both trying not to laugh at the word "duty"?
Mr. Keck: (On phone) Yeah. (To Turk and J.D.) Hey, Heckle and Jeckle, you know what? No surgery.
Turk: (Grabs phone) Who the hell is this?
Man: (On phone) Where are my shoelaces?
Elliot: I said to tell him that he had a laxity in the peritoneal wall and that surgery was unnecessarily invasive! Was that so hard?
J.D.: Can I talk to you for a second?
Janitor: No. I'm busy cleaning... Haha... That one always kills.
(J.D.'s fondling Turk)
Turk: Dude, what the hell are you doing?
J.D.: I miss having you as my roommate! I don't know.
Elliot: Look, I know this place isn't the greatest, but it's not like I lie awake thinking about being yelled at by Dr. Cox or playing Jiggly Ball with the orderlies.
J.D.'s Narration: How do I not know about this game!?
Turk: Check it out - Keith's telling Mr. Morrison about his brain tumor.
J.D.'s Narration: Seeing an intern tell someone they're gonna die for the first time is strange. Because even though it's a horrible and sad experience, if they get through it, there's a sense of... accomplishment.
Keith: Nailed it! Hell, yeah!
Due to lack of funds, I'm shutting down our babymobile, which means there will no longer be free prenatal care for underprivileged women. Bottom line - if you're thinking about knocking up a homeless gal, I'd do it this weekend.
Dr. Kelso
J.D.: Dr. Bailey was fired last night.
Carla: Why?
Flashback
Dr. Bailey: For this procedure, I'm going to have to numb you... (Clicks on his pen light and stares at the female patient's chest) Num, num, num, num, num, num, num!
End Flashback
Turk: You know, in Dr. Bailey's defense-
Carla: No, no, no, no.
J.D.: There have been times-
Carla: No.
J.D.'s Narration: I really missed living with Turk, but living with Elliot wasn't that bad.
Elliot: Hey, roomie! I'm having the girls from my yoga class over for drinks tonight. And F.Y.I., Tina, the tiny brunette, just got dumped - and she's looking for rebound sex! Honestly, how could I be a better roommate?
J.D.'s Narration: She could be half Turk and half Elliot.
(About getting an earring)
Dr. Kelso: It's a hip-hop world son, keep up or get out of the way.
J.D.: I gotta get an earring.
Elliot: At this clinic, I get to practice medicine for people who really need me. I mean, honestly, I feel like I belong here.
Orderly: Dr. Cole just got stabbed in the parking lot and we're out of gauze. Is it cool if I take lunch?
Elliot: This place is crushing my soul.
Janitor: As it happens, we're heading out right now to play some Jiggly Ball. Are you in?
J.D.'s Narration: Just say no!
J.D.: Jiggle me in.
