J.D.: Besides, I defy you to find one other thing that I'm afraid of!
Janitor: Mopping time! Mopping time! It's mopping time!
(The audience whoops and cheers)
Janitor: Yes, it's mopping time, my friend! And as you know, I always like to start in the exact spot you're standing. Let's get to work.

Dr. Cox: Hold your horses. Just tell me who the last person hired was, would you please?
Kenny: Looks like you folks could use a little refresher! Serving people like you who save lives every day, makes me happier than a kitten chasing a leaky cow! God bless ya! God bless ya.
Dr. Cox: I have to fire Opie, don't I?
Jordan: You think?

Dr. Kelso: What do you want, Perry?
Dr. Cox: Bob, enough of the stinking budget cuts, already!
Dr. Kelso: Noted. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to fire someone.
Dr. Cox: Oh, baloney, old man!

Turk: My wife's name's Carla.
J.D.: Yeah!
Turk: Yeah! Like Carla from the show.
J.D.: Just like it.
Mr. James: Wow...I've never actually met anyone who had the same name as a character on the show.
J.D./Turk: Really?
Mr. James: No.
J.D.: Oh, well, that's understandable...
Turk: Yeah.
J.D.: I mean, there's a lot of Sams...
Turk: There's probably a lot of Carlas...

J.D.: Okay, then, Mr. James, you're free- Wait a second, Charles James? I was watching the "Cheers" DVD the other night - are you Charles James the writer?
Mr. James: Yeah, that's me.
J.D.'s narration: Just. Stay. Calm.
J.D.: Uh, Elliot, I need to take this gentleman upstairs for some more, uh, tests.
Elliot: J.D., don't leave me here.
J.D.: This is very important! He may even need a surgical consult.

J.D.: Ahh. Kylie's in class all day and she bartends at night, and I'm still working sixteen-hour shifts, so we try to make sure we kiss at least once a day. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, she takes a cab over here; Tuesdays and Thursdays, I scooter to my baby!
Turk: Honey. I haven't foofied in bed in like a week!

Dr. Cox: Hey, Kenny, once again I'm...I'm real sorry.
Dr. Kelso: Welcome to my world. Now, imagine going home to my wife.

Elliot: Wait a second! This chart isn't for Charles James, it's for James Charles! He's the one who has cancer, not you!
J.D.: And who cares about him! He's anti-Semitic!

Carla: Uh, Turk and I are gonna go home and spend some time together. Some GOOD TIME!
Turk: And by "good time" she means bumping uglies!

Hey, I'm wondering, what's the story with steel wool? I mean, is it steel or is it wool? Make up your mind, steel wool. Are there iron sheep hopping around in Scotland?


Carla: Are you humming the "let's all go to the movies" song?
Turk: Is that not our song?
Carla: It's sung by hot dogs!

Dr. Cox: Let's take a look at our other options. Gandhi? You appear to be a man that is utterly without talent. Unless, of course, you wanna count the fact that you are the twentieth-best basketball player in a predominately white hospital? Jordan, your only skill is illegal in twenty-six states.
Jordan: It's twenty-seven. Arkansas buckled.
Dr. Cox: Carla, that makes you my girl. Hell, we could crank up the humidity and watch your hair explode, that'd be terrific.

Scrubs Season 4 Episode 17 Quotes

Okay, Perry! That's it, it's over. The only act left to see is you firing that guy.

Dr. Kelso

Unfortunately, around here things don't always end as neat and tidy as they do in sitcoms. Relationships aren't always magically fixed in thirty minutes - you have to work on them.

J.D.'s narration