Jordan:I'm taking Jack to my mother's for a few months. Perry: Yes,but who'll be taking care of Jack while you and your mother go out marauding for flesh?

Dr. Kelso: We have some very exciting news.
Dr. Cox: Don't tell me. You and sweaty Teddy here are gonna finally have that comittment ceremony that you've been dreaming about?
Dr. Kelso: Perry, even if I went that way and believe me there were nights in the service that that didn't sound so farfetched, Ted is hardly my type.
Ted: I beg to differ, I've seen Enid.
Dr. Kelso: What?!
Ted: Nothing.

Ted:Dr. Cox, remember a few years back, you asked me to look over your divorce papers to make sure "that slag would die a penniless whore"?
Jordan: Hmmm.
Ted: Sorry.
Jordan: It's okay, "slag" is kind of his pet-name for me.

(At Jordan and Perry's "divorce" celebration) And so, by the power vested in me by the American Bar Association, I pronounce you ex-husband and ex-wife. You may now do whatever the hell you want!


Todd: (Gasping) I'm gay!
Todd collapses.
Nurse: I knew it!

J.D.: Are your giblets warm?
Turk: Like a Christmas ham.
J.D.: Same...

Today I walk in here not as a resident but as a chief. Chief resident! Chief resident Dorian! Chiefy chiefy chief!

J.D.'s Narration

Janitor: What's that, your new, uh, cool guy walk?
J.D.: No, I have rocks in my shoe.
J.D.'s Narration: Wow, that's a lot of rocks. I gotta stop taking that short-cut through the quarry.

J.D.: Chief Resident on the house. Everybody say he-ey! (waves arm)
Patient: He-ey!
J.D.'s Narration: Even though councilman Donovan was handcuffed to that chair because he was once again flying high on crystal meth, his respect felt good. Honestly, it's the reason I keep voting for him.

Turk: Lemme buy you lunch.
J.D.: I'm rich. Let me buy you lunch and some gold teeth to eat it with!

Dr. Cox: (Patient's bandages are removed and he hands her a mirror) Go ahead and have a look there.
Miss Myers: Wow...
Dr. Cox: You look fantastic, you do. (To Molly) Doctor?
Molly: Really fantastic.
Dr. Cox: Thank God you're here!

Molly: Hey! Sorry I'm late.
Dr. Cox: We weren't waiting for you.
Molly: Great! I'm on time. See, I think as a psychiatrist that I should be there when Miss Myers bandages get removed because her accident was tramatic enough, but with reconstructive facial sugery on top of that, in my professional opinion, "Yikes!"
Dr. Cox: (To Molly) If you are coming in, I might just go ahead and phone up my pool man and my architect so we can populate the room with just as many usless people as possible.
Molly: Great! My mom's in town, should I call her?

Scrubs Season 4 Episode 3 Quotes

J.D.: Oh my God! Dude! I doubted you for a second, why are you so mad?
Turk: Maybe I needed you to believe in me!
Carla: I believe in you, baby.
Turk: Yeah, but we're married - that doesn't count.

Carla: So are you guys gonna go out tonight?
Turk: No, we're gonna stay in.
Carla: Well, I'll be in the bedroom with all the straight people.