Jordan:I'm taking Jack to my mother's for a few months. Perry: Yes,but who'll be taking care of Jack while you and your mother go out marauding for flesh?

Jordan: Have a good day. Try not to torture anyone so much that they take their own lives.
Dr. Cox: I'll try. You know, you're not looking as processed and overly medicated as usual.
Jordan: That is so sweet!
Dr. Cox: Come here!

Ted:Dr. Cox, remember a few years back, you asked me to look over your divorce papers to make sure "that slag would die a penniless whore"?
Jordan: Hmmm.
Ted: Sorry.
Jordan: It's okay, "slag" is kind of his pet-name for me.

(At Jordan and Perry's "divorce" celebration) And so, by the power vested in me by the American Bar Association, I pronounce you ex-husband and ex-wife. You may now do whatever the hell you want!


J.D.: Are your giblets warm?
Turk: Like a Christmas ham.
J.D.: Same...

Dr. Kelso: We have some very exciting news.
Dr. Cox: Don't tell me. You and sweaty Teddy here are gonna finally have that comittment ceremony that you've been dreaming about?
Dr. Kelso: Perry, even if I went that way and believe me there were nights in the service that that didn't sound so farfetched, Ted is hardly my type.
Ted: I beg to differ, I've seen Enid.
Dr. Kelso: What?!
Ted: Nothing.

Today I walk in here not as a resident but as a chief. Chief resident! Chief resident Dorian! Chiefy chiefy chief!

J.D.'s Narration

Janitor: What's that, your new, uh, cool guy walk?
J.D.: No, I have rocks in my shoe.
J.D.'s Narration: Wow, that's a lot of rocks. I gotta stop taking that short-cut through the quarry.

J.D.: Chief Resident on the house. Everybody say he-ey! (waves arm)
Patient: He-ey!
J.D.'s Narration: Even though councilman Donovan was handcuffed to that chair because he was once again flying high on crystal meth, his respect felt good. Honestly, it's the reason I keep voting for him.

Turk: Lemme buy you lunch.
J.D.: I'm rich. Let me buy you lunch and some gold teeth to eat it with!

Todd: (Gasping) I'm gay!
Todd collapses.
Nurse: I knew it!

Dr. Cox: (Patient's bandages are removed and he hands her a mirror) Go ahead and have a look there.
Miss Myers: Wow...
Dr. Cox: You look fantastic, you do. (To Molly) Doctor?
Molly: Really fantastic.
Dr. Cox: Thank God you're here!

Scrubs Season 4 Episode 3 Quotes

J.D.: Oh my God! Dude! I doubted you for a second, why are you so mad?
Turk: Maybe I needed you to believe in me!
Carla: I believe in you, baby.
Turk: Yeah, but we're married - that doesn't count.

Carla: So are you guys gonna go out tonight?
Turk: No, we're gonna stay in.
Carla: Well, I'll be in the bedroom with all the straight people.