Scrubs Season 4 Episode 1: "My Old Friend's New Friend" Quotes
Guy(Italian accent): Hey! Why did you kick'a my scooter? Why? All you Americans are bullies! That is why the whole world hates you!
Molly: Easy, Massimo. It's okay, she's gonna fix it, just go inside and I'll meet you in my office... He's not even Italian.
Elliot: So, what, are they shooting some sort of Geeks of Sacred Heart calendar out here?
J.D.: Actually, no, I almost drowned diving for a nickel; but I'm sure you're more interested in conspiracy theories about gangs and friend stealing.
Carla: Look, why don't we pool our money together and buy one of those nice cute little Mini Coopers?
Turk: Baby, a Mini Cooper?
J.D.'s Narration: And then the most amazing thing happened.
Carla: I'll tell you what, Turk. Why don't you go pick out our car.
J.D.'s Narration: Carla let Turk make a decision!
Turk: Okay! But, baby, you should know that it's not gonna be a Mini. 'Cause ain't nothing really mini about me!
Molly: Anyway, Johnny, I was noticing that you were having some trouble motivating your patient back in there, and I actually published a paper on motivation methodology in post-operative seniors, so, if you want, I could help.
J.D.: What floor?
Molly: Oh, my god, we're on an elevator.
Carla: Where's your food?
Molly: Oh, shoot.
Carla: Look, Elliot, we'll do something later this week, just the two of us.
Elliot: Okay.
Molly: Ahh. Oh, that is not my food. But I'm not getting up again.
Elliot: Oh, I wouldn't.
Elliot: I am not, heh, depressed, sir. In fact, nothing is gonna get me down today!
Mr. Blass: "All by myself. Don't wanna be all by my-"
Elliot: Oh, shut up!
Molly: Did you just tell my patient to shut up? 'Cause that seems not very doctory.
Elliot: No. I mean, I said it like all those high school girls do in the mall, like, "Oh, shut up!" I should go.
Dr. Cox: Uhh, Mr. Radford, do I understand you have pain issues but you don't want physical therapy?
Mr. Radford: I just don't have it in me.
J.D.: Here comes the magic. He always gives me goosebumps.
Dr. Cox: Okay, then. I sure hope you're comfortable in that bed, because you're gonna be in one just like it for the rest of your natural born life.
J.D.: What the hell was that?
Dr. Cox: That was me talking to a patient who has thrown in the towel. You can't save everyone, Newbie, so I suggest you start working with people who want your help. That's what I will be doing.
Molly: Goosebumps?
J.D.: They're small. And... you-you can't see them.
J.D.'s Narration: Also, I had to draw upon all my medical experience to get Mr. Radford out of bed.
J.D.: Mr. Radford, they're showing 'Cocoon' in the chapel!
Mr. Radford: I'm not a big Guttenberg fan.
J.D.: Well, you're the only one, 'cause people in the hall are going crazy!
That joyride around the hospital made me realize two things. First, it's a bad idea to take a full bladder out on your hog.
J.D.'s Narration
Carla: See, even though I make all the decisions, whenever I see Turk is getting upset, I throw him a little decision that means nothing to me. Like buying a new car - as long as it's got four wheels and air conditioning, I'm hap... py.
Turk: Check it, baby! Scooters!
Carla: Hehhh.
Dr. Cox: Fantastic!
Carla: Yeah, still, the point is I'm smarter than you.
Dr. Cox: In relationships?
Carla: In everything.
Dr. Cox: Right!
J.D.: Woohoo! Ring around the Janitor! Pocket full of-
Janitor: You're funny. Pocket full of what?
J.D.: ...Zanitor.
Janitor: Not a word!
