Scrubs Season 3 Episode 13: "My Porcelain God" Quotes
Carla: I wanted those red cummerbunds because that's the theme!
Turk: Red is a theme?
Carla: Love is the theme! We're in love, you idiot!
J.D.'s Narration: Sure I was hurt when I found out I was Turk's second choice for best man. But I'm not gonna be petty... I mean, when the tux guy called to confirm Turk's measurements, I gave them to him.
Turk: Dude! I look like I'm going to Ferrakhan day-camp!
J.D.: Just paint your legs black, you'll be fine.
Janitor: Did you tell anybody about my epiphany toilet?
J.D.: No, why?
Janitor: Where're you coming from?
Ted: Uhhh...
Over the Janitor's shoulder, J.D. shakes his head
Ted: ...No!
Dr. Kelso: Hey, ace! I want you to find my gardener, Hector, a room. He has a mild case of cellulitis, and I need him in tip-top shape by the weekend. I'm having my annual lawn-bowling tournament, and if anyone but Hector cuts my grass, my game goes to heck in a hand-basket.
Dr. Cox: Dammit all, Bob, you know we don't have an extra bed in this dump!
Dr. Kelso: Perry, what has two thumbs and still doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso! I thought we'd met.
I swear to God, Carla, if one more annoying thing comes my way, please just go ahead and extract some of that extra air out of Barbie's head and inject it right into my veins!
Dr. Cox
Tailor: Where I grew up, they didn't allow two men to marry.
J.D.: Well, we grew up in...
Turk: Well, shoot, I grew up in the 'hood...
J.D.: ...There you gotta do things like test suits out...
Turk: ...That's right... I'ma go change.
J.D.: Can I practice my toast on you?
Dr. Cox: No.
J.D.: I'm opening with a quote from 'Spartacus'.
J.D.'s Narration: Even if you've done a procedure five thousand times, there's no guarantee you won't screw up number five thousand, one.
Dr. Cox: A few more seconds, we would have been coding this guy. Take that. Barbie, as hard as it is to remember, but air goes in the lungs.
Dr. Cox: All right, then. Mr. Tanaka here is fatiguing and he needs to be intubated. Any questions?
J.D.: Yeah, Turk has asked me to be his best man. You got any advice?
J.D.'s Narration: It's weird how much Dr. Casey has influenced me in such a short time.
J.D.: Bink!
Laverne: Hey! Bink you!
Dr. Casey: Who would use this thing?
Janitor: You kiddin'? Oh, man! Just picture yourself, you're standing out here, in the open air, then you sit down and you take stock of your life. I've had some major epiphanies on this old girl. See, you can't do any soul-searching down there on those germ-infested crappers.
J.D.'s Narration: Damn him. He's right.
Dr. Casey: Do you plunder?
J.D.: I have been known to plunder.
