Scrubs Season 3 Episode 10: "My Rule of Thumb" Quotes
Turk: I don't understand it. This wedding is supposed to be about us - how come I can't be comfortable?
Carla: And I don't know how many times I have to tell you that you are not wearing sweats!
Dr. Cox: (Honestly sincere) Really Ted, I'm sorry about the mother situation.
Ted: She has cold feet!
Dr. Cox: Oh don't be that guy!
Ted: What guy?
(Dr. Cox leaves)
What guy?!
Dr. Kelso: Ladies, explain to me why you are so concerned with my policy on patients having sex in the hospital.
Carla: No reason!
Elliot: Just curious!
Carla: Trying to learn.
Elliot: I love you... sir.
Dr. Kelso: Well, why don't we make it the same as my sex policy with my wife: Absolutely not! Now make me a sandwich.
Carla, cut the guy some slack. Surgery is not as easy as it looks. I mean, he's gotta make the incision, cut the wrong artery, panic, collapse into a ball of tears in the corner, and after all that he's gotta go wash up, check the board, and find out who he'll be killing after lunch. It's... a grind.
Dr. Cox
There'll be banana hammocks everywhere!
J.D.
Turk: Who ordered the liver?
Dr. Cox: Jackass
Turk: Bite me. (To the patient) Great guy!
Carla: Ted's helping Maggie with her will.
Maggie: Thanks again, Ted. How'd you get through sixty pages so quickly?
Ted: Well, Miss Hibersol, it helps to not really know what you're doing.
J.D.'s Narration: God, I'm horrible at giving bad news! Wait a sec, I'm a doctor, I give bad news all the time. Just like I did with Mr. Clark this morning. Who does his daughter always remind me of?... Molly Ringwald! Heh. Man, she was good in 'The Breakfast Club'. I should rent that again. Come on! Focus! You have to tell her! God, I need something to get me out of it! Anything!
The phone rings
J.D.: Hello?... Yes, this is J.D.!... I'd love to pick you up at jail!
Turk: How'd you get Dr. Cox to like you?
J.D.: Dr. Cox said he liked me!?
Turk: No, you're missing the point-
J.D.: I need to know three things immediately: Where was he when he said it, what inflection did he use, and had he been drinking? You know what, I don't care about the third one; sometimes when you've been drinking you're the most truthful.
Turk: Okay, look, I know Carla's gonna have her little pre-wedding panic attack, and what if she has her good ol' buddy Dr. Cox there to tell her what a jackass I am, huh? Then what?
J.D.: You know what? I'm glad he was drunk.
Danni: I gotta get out of there. You think maybe I could crash at your house?
J.D.: Sure. Just bring your own toilet paper. It's...kind of a little rule we have with our guests. Preferably something two-ply!
Turk: How's it going, Danni?
Danni: Great. I'm crashing at your place tonight.
Turk: Oh, cool... Bring toilet paper.
J.D.: I already told her.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, Ted. I meant to tell you eight months ago, all those days of vacation you saved up expire riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...now!
Ted: But sir! I was going to visit The Alamo with the guys from my public sp-speaking class!
Elliot: Carla, if your wedding ceremony is going to be in Spanish, how will I know that you're officially married?
Carla: Because all my cousins will throw tortillas in the air and fire their guns.
Elliot: Really? Oh God I wish I was ethnic!
