Scrubs Season 1 Episode 17: "My Student" Quotes
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid you talk too much. It's a problem. Now, why are you doing your med student's work?
Elliot: Well, his father...
Dr. Kelso: I hate his father. But I'm the one who has to suck up to him, not you. For God's sake, woman, show some cojones!
Newbie, the only way you could be less productive right now is if you were, in fact the wall in which you're leaning against. Of course then you'd be providing some jackass with a wall in which to lean against and reflect on what a jackass he truely is. I know, here it's a conundrum, but don't you worry about it. I'll tackle that one right upstairs, in the meantime, you could atleast pretend to be doing some work, and right about know, even though you don't have your basket, aw it's just a terrific time for you to skip away Shirley, skip away, skip away, go head, skip away. Skip, skip, skip to my Lou woo!
Dr. Cox
Carla: Know who you're getting?
Elliot: I hope I get a jerk. I took so much crap as a med student that I've been waiting for the day I get to make someone suffer.
Philip: Listen, nurse. I'm looking for a Dr. Elliot Reid.
Elliot: I'm Elliot Reid.
Philip: Guy's name, guy's job, guy's clothes... Is there anything else you wanna tell me?
Elliot: Goody! You're a jerk
Elliot: Philip, I'm gonna need you to shave his groin so I can place a femoral triple-lumen.
Philip: Yeah, I'm not so much with the "shavin' a guy's curlies".
Elliot: It's your call, Phil. Of course, if you do go ahead and get just one bad evaluation from me, it'll pretty much torch your class rank, so I suggest you do what I tell you. And if I ask you to shave a patient's groin, thank your lucky stars that I said "shave".
Philip [to patient]: I'll tell you what. I'll lather you up, and you start thinking about baseball. Hm! Natural redhead
Josh: Dr. Dorian? Your roommate let me in. Cool dead dog. Can I pet him? I came by because I know I didn't do so great yesterday...
J.D.: What was it that tipped you off? Was it your inability to perform even the simplest task? I'll bet it was that I got home 20 minutes ago because I spent the entire night cleaning up after you
J.D. [about Josh]: Even nurse Roberts says he's the most incompetent young doctor she's worked with.
Carla: Hey, Laverne, what'd you say about J.D. when he first started working here?
Laverne: That he was the most incompetent young doctor I ever worked with
Turk: Okay. So you're having a little trouble asking out Kristen. It's no shame. It's not a problem.
Dr. Cox: Whoa there, Curly. I got no problem asking a woman out. Watch this. [To a passing nurse]: Wanna have a drink sometime?
Nurse: No.
Dr. Cox: Good. See? I'm fine over here.
Turk: Okay. You know how men are always talking about themselves? Well, apparently, women like to talk about themselves even more.
Dr. Cox: Oh! Thank you, Sensei. You've touched me deeply.
Turk: Okay. You can be cynical if you want, but I'm telling you and being honest with you, if you get Kristen to talk about herself, it's on. It's on and poppin'. And if that doesn't work, you simply do what I do.
Dr. Cox: Which is what exactly?
Turk [Drops his pants]: Show her the booty!
Dr. Cox: No. No. No. You put that away. Oh! Think of the children
Elliot: Philip, I was wondering if you could write out this discharge summary.
Philip: Where's the fun?
Elliot: Excuse me?
Philip: From now on, when you're wondering whether I'll do something, ask yourself, "Where's the fun?" It'll be a timesaver for both of us.
Elliot: I'm betting that if you were really honest with yourself, you'd realize how unsatisfying it is to ride on your father's coattails.
Philip: No, I'm okay with it
J.D.: Josh, this is completely crazy.
Josh: You told me I shouldn't be a doctor.
J.D.: Kidding... Josh. You know what? Forget all of that. You have to hang in there. Now, I promise you, I am gonna help you. So, what do you say?
Josh: I know what you're trying to do. My whole life, people have felt sorry for me.
J.D.: Why would anyone feel sorry for you?
Josh: I'm clumsy, I'm always throwing up and I don't even have an ass!
J.D.: Those are the same things I was dealing with when I started here. Except for the ass part. I actually have a great ass. It's firm like mutton
Dr. Cox: Sorry we got interrupted before.
Kristen: It's okay.
Dr. Cox: Where were we?
Kristen: I told you my parents were still married, then you yelled at me.
Dr. Cox: Right. Of course I did. That's me all over.
Turk: Dr. Cox, you are an attending, so you should know it's highly inappropriate for you to be sniffing around this woman all day! And you! You are a med student who should be learning from me, but every time I turn around, you're talking to him. So I'm telling you, I forbid you to get involved with that guy.
Kristen: Sorry, doctor.
Dr. Cox: You do realize that you just effectively signed your own death warrant.
Turk: Dude, do you, like, know any women at all?
[Cuts to Dr. Cox's apartment]
Kristen: Hi. I know we're not supposed to be seeing each other, but
Dr. Cox: You wanna know something?
Kristen: What?
Dr. Cox: I feel like I'm using you to get past another person.
Kristen: That's not as sexy as you think it is