Scrubs Season 3 Episode 15: "My Tormented Mentor" Quotes
Dr. Miller: I'm Dr. Miller. A few quick things: Don't talk while I'm talking, never utter the phrase "It's Miller time", and I don't like the smell of cologne in my operating room. Now, I'd like to take a minute to listen to any questions or comments that any of you might have, and then after this minute I never want to hear from any of you ever, ever, ever again. Anyone?
Turk: Uh...I'm allergic to shellfish...?
Dr. Miller: Any other allergies? No? Great! You, and unibrow, go scrub up.
Camera reveals Todd, sporting a unibrow.
Turk: What?
Todd: My waxer's in the Bahamas.
Turk: Get a new one!
Ted: Ladies, this hospital's policy on sexual harassment is well-established. Plus-
Dr. Kelso: I'll handle this. I think what Garfunkle here is trying to say is that you should all take a second, think seriously about what's really bothering you, and then have a big group unbunching of your panties.
Carla: Dr. Kelso, the sexual harassment around here has gotten out of control. Yesterday somebody asked Laverne if her boobs were made for walking! That's rude!... And it makes no sense.
Laverne: Paris and Nikki were not amused.
Carla: You named your breasts after the Hilton sisters?
Laverne: Other way around, sugar!
J.D.: May I please be excused?
Dr. Cox: You move - you die.
Okay, here's the tour. This is where the patients enter, upstairs is where they go to die, and down in the basement is where we slide their cold dead bodies into the wall - oh and there's the gift shop.
Dr. Cox
J.D.: Seriously, how are you?
Dr. Cox: Oh, my god. Look, Abby, I didn't write to you asking for help, so if you continue on down this road, you're going to end up eating, breathing and relieving yourself through a tube of some kind. Signed, dealing-with-it-on-his-own, in Kansas.
J.D.: Are you gonna talk ever?
Dr. Cox: Lemme go and key this up for you Attica. We are all going to die someday. For the lucky few of us it will be nice and fast but for most of us it will be just as long and slow and painful as a conversation with you.
J.D.: That's a beautiful sentiment.
Then for the last time, don't stick any part of your hairless body into my business. Trust me, there is nothing for you to gain from it - because even if you went on a cruise to the most remote regions of the ocean and rescued my drowning, salt-soaked body in time to pump the sea water out of my lungs and bring me back from the brink of death I would still be upset that the first face I saw was yours.
Dr. Cox
