Scrubs Season 4 Episode 11: "My Unicorn" Quotes
Dr. Cox: You do know he's not yours, don'cha.
Mr. Marks: I figured it out. Mostly because his mother was eight months pregnant when I met her. But there were other signs.
Dr. Cox: 'Course.
J.D.: Sometimes Dr. Cox is all over me, like every second of my life.
Murray: Why do you keep talking about your boss like he's your father?
J.D.: Remember? Recently deceased dad?
Murray: Massive heart attack!
J.D.: Yes! I mean, yes.
Dr. Cox: Boy, tell me about it. You know, I got this kid who constantly ignores my advice, and then flashes me the sad doe eyes every time I call him a girl's name or scream in his face.
Mr. Marks: Do you wanna sing about him?
Dr. Cox: No. Not ever.
Ah, so maybe I wasn't the perfect dad. I mean, there were the occasional missed baseball games... And the taking of his college sweetheart to the Bahamas for two weeks without telling him... But I still don't see why he resents me this much.
Mr. Marks
J.D.: Can I talk to you for a second?
Speaker: Tower, are you there? I lost an engine!
J.D.: I'm not falling for that crap again!
Murray: This is real! Mickey's not here.
Speaker: Oh, God! I lost another engine!
Murray: Calm down, Frank. You left your engines in the storage shed.
Speaker: Oh, there they are! Thanks, Murray.
Murray: It's what I do.
Emcee: On behalf of the honey festival, I would like to thank our two volunteers: Our taster, Elliot... And of course, Christopher, the human honeycomb.
Turk: I thought you meant the cereal! Ow. Ow!
Carla: Okay! I put interview guy in the lounge and told him that Elliot was with a patient. Now. How we gonna fix this thing?
Janitor: You're okay. The guy wanted an orange soda, right? We bring him an orange soda, maybe the whole thing goes away.
Carla: Okay, here's the plan: Jordan and I will take care of interview guy. Soft-Scrub, you can do whatever the hell you want.
Janitor: I will.
Elliot: Oh, I'll just be a sec. Dave, can I get an orange soda? I'm so hot and thirsty.
Dave: It's on me.
Guy: I'd like an orange soda too.
Dave: Oh, I'm sorry, that was the last one. How sad.
Turk: You have created a monster. Elliot did a little tongue dance in Franklyn's ear just to get him to do her labs before mine.
Carla: So she used her femininity! The only reason you usually get your lab-work back so fast is because you always pick Franklyn to play basketball, even though he always shoots his foul shots granny-style.
Look, Murray, it doesn't matter that your father's handsome and charismatic and sings like a young Joan Baez.
J.D.
Murray: I can't believe you got cake! The guy said they didn't have any.
J.D.: Just do what I told you to do.
Murray stretches, pushing his chest out.
Glen: Sweets for the sweet.
Murray: Thank you... Glen.
Elliot: Okay, so I tried to get some x-rays back from the lab tech by making a kissy face, and he asked me if I had palsy!
Jordan: Elliot, if you want to get ahead, you have to use what God gave ya!
Carla: Or in your case, what Dr. Fineberg gave you.
Jordan: Exactly!
